Beauty and the Devil
by xXxThe Phantom's RosexXx
Summary: When Clare moves to NYC, she is swept off her feet by Elijah Goldsworthy, an upcoming photographer. When he discovers she is his muse, they are swept into a whirl-wind romance, but sometimes life isn't always picture perfect. AU for the sake of the story.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I know, I know. I am writing a new story and I still have so much to update. Call me a bad ff writer. Be angry at me. Just please give this story a chance. I have been really wanting to write this one for a long while and I decided to finally sit down and do it. So in the words of Munro Chambers, "Leggo!" Also, we all know Degrassi is not mine, despite my wishes. **

**Summary: When Clare moves to NYC, she is swept off her feet by Elijah Goldsworthy, an upcoming photographer. When he discovers she is his muse, they are swept into a whirl-wind romance, but sometimes life isn't always picture perfect. AU for the sake of the story.**

**Disclaimer: This is going to be rated T-M. I will list it as T but if there's going to be some "mature" elements in upcoming chapters, I will place a warning in an A/N and you can read at your own discretion. Enjoy!**

**Beauty and the Devil**

_"I think you should leave."_

_ "Mom…let's be rational about this…"_

_ "I-I have tried to be rational with you, Clare. I just am not going to willingly stand by and watch you throw your life away. This wasn't the plan."_

_ "This wasn't your plan, mother. I don't want to be a theology major and go on to be a youth minister. I want to do so much in life, but that's just not it. I can't, Mom. It's not what I am passionate about."_

_ "So you're not even going to university in the fall?"_

_ "I just want to take a year, Mom. Just a year. I want to get a job and figure things out for a little while before jumping into something unprepared. I just know I need some time to figure everything out. Please respect that. I need time to sort everything out. I am still trying to decide between Journalism and British Literature..."_

_ "I am not allowing this."_

_ "Helen, when are you going to see that you can't control everything for everyone?"_

_ "Excuse me, I am your mother!"_

_ "If you give me this ultimatum, then you're not. Not anymore. Please don't ask me to leave, Mom. I don't know where I will go and…I can't afford an apartment or anything right now."_

_ "You have money in savings for the education we were going to pay for. Take it out, use it to find a place and get yourself settled. I am done. I lost one daughter, and I refuse to lose another. But if you chose to turn your back on my plan for you, then I am afraid I have no choice. Either you go to university in the fall, or God help you – you get the hell out of my house."_

_ "Mom…you can't mean that…"_

"Ma'am? Ma'am, we're here."

Clare stirred herself out of the day dream, and stared out the rain-streaked window of the yellow cab. There was a brownstone building in front of her, though she could barely see through the dusk of twilight and the blanket of rain pounding violently around her. She dreaded, for a moment, having to exit the comforting warmth of the cab. Outside the wind would be cold, the rain would sting, and she would be lost.

"Yes," Clare didn't really know what else to say, and after glancing at the meter, paid the taxi driver in cash. He struggled to open an umbrella before going around to the trunk to take out her bags. Clare nibbled on her lower lip, a bad habit of hers, and wondered if maybe she had made the wrong choice. Maybe she should have stayed home and gone to university. If she had, she would be home right now with her family and not in this strange new city completely alone.

After carrying her bags to the safety of underneath the brownstone's awning, the driver returned and opened the door, holding the umbrella overhead, trying to keep his passenger as dry as possible. Clare shivered even though it wasn't terribly cold outside as she headed up the few steps to the front door of her new place.

"Thank you," she tried her best to smile at the driver. He waved and headed back to the cab. It took Clare a moment to remind herself where she was, and to tell herself she needed to carry her two suitcases inside. After working up the courage to walk through the front door, she headed over to the front desk where a receptionist sat, running an emery board along her nails.

"Hi, I'm Clare Edwards, I spoke to you on the…"

"Oh yes," the woman put down the nail file and turned her attention to a stack of manila folders, "Your lease is in here; I know we went over some technical stuff over the phone and through faxes, but you'll need to fill out a bit more paperwork, and then I can give you your key."

Clare stood at the counter and scribbled through the remaining paperwork, wondering what she was even doing. All of this felt so adult, and she desperately wanted to crawl back under the covers and stay in bed all day watching reruns of Fairly Odd Parents – not signing a lease for her new apartment. After the paperwork was cleared up, the receptionist handed her a key and told her to take the elevator to the twenty-fifth floor.

"You're apartment will be on the right hall – look for Apartment 2515."

Clare nodded, thanked the receptionist, and took the key before grabbing her bags and making her way towards the elevator. She tried to calm her nerves, but she could feel her stomach flip as the elevator ascended. Finally reaching her floor, Clare stepped out and searched for her apartment – Apartment 2515. After finding it, she stepped inside and glanced around. It was fully furnished and everything looked exactly like it had in the photos she had found online – there was a small fireplace in the living room across from a couch and a television. The kitchen was tiny but usable. The couch folded out into a bed, and the final space of the apartment was her bathroom. This place was almost the size of her bedroom back home, and the first month's payment had been a violent blow to the savings account her mother had allowed her to use.

After unpacking a few of her clothes, Clare sat down on the futon and glanced around. This was it, this was her new life and she had no idea what to do with herself. She had no job, no income. Helen had insisted that she leave as soon as possible – barely allotting Clare enough time to search for an apartment. She knew it had to be New York though. She had always wanted to wind up in New York, and maybe there would be some good opportunities. It was just a matter of finding said opportunities. Clare had figured she would live at home and work as a waitress or something until making up her mind. All of this was so frightening to her, and she was beginning to feel overwhelmed. A rumbling in her stomach caused her to abandon her thoughts and focus on the fact that she had had nothing to eat that day sans airplane pretzels and a Coke.

Glancing out the window, she noticed the rain had let up, and reminded herself she had seen a little deli not far down the street. After working up the courage to leave her new apartment and step out into the strange city, Clare made her way outside. Once arriving at the deli, Clare picked out a few odds and ends she knew the apartment would need – toilet paper, paper towels, a ham sandwich, and several bowls of instant macaroni. As she was paying the brusque man at the counter, Clare noticed a flyer printed on neon green paper.

"You lookin' for a job?" The cashier asked.

"Yes," Clare scanned over the flyer, "A receptionist position?"

"Yup, that just went up this morning. Some photographer is looking for a secretary for his studio."

"I don't know," Clare nibbled on her lower lip, never imagining herself to fit into the role of receptionist; but she knew she desperately needed the income, "It says walk-in interviews are welcome. I guess I could check it out."

"You never know," the cashier handed Clare her paper sack of groceries, "Check it out. See if it interests you. You're welcome to take that flyer with you."

"Thank you."

As Clare was heading back to her apartment, the flyer safely tucked in the bag away from the rain, she began to genuinely think it over. She did desperately need the money, and maybe a receptionist position wouldn't be so bad – after all, it could look good on a resume. Clare sighed and heaved the front door to the brownstone open, trying to get a bearing on the thoughts that were swimming around in her head.

After unwrapping her sandwich, Clare sat down at the coffee table where she had propped up her laptop, and began to Google the photography studio. A pretty barren website was the only result, depicting the outside of what seemed to be another apartment building. Clare found the address that was listed on the flyer, as well as a phone number. She decided to give it a shot – after all, she was in a new city, and this was her new life. She would have to get a job eventually, so why not make the most of it?

The next day, Clare found herself standing outside of the apartment building from the website. She glanced back at the cab driver and gave him an unsure wave before making her way inside. The flyer had instructed her to take the elevator up to the thirteenth floor. As she rode the elevator, Clare felt her stomach churn. She really didn't know where she was and she had no idea who these people were. Maybe she was in danger. The thought quickly exited as the elevator dinged, and the doors pulled apart. Clare found herself standing in a studio. There was a desk off to the side of the room, and a couch on the other side. Behind the desk, there was a door. Clare honestly didn't know what she was supposed to do as no instructions had been provided on the flyer. She clutched the little piece of green paper in her hand, and glanced around.

As she was about to turn to leave, fear overcoming and getting the best of her, the door behind the desk opened and a man not too much older than her raised an eyebrow in greeting to her. He was dressed in black tight jeans and a black t-shirt. A skull necklace hung from his neck.

"Hi…I am here for the interview. I mean, I saw your flyer and I didn't know if I should call first, but the flyer said walk-ins were welcome and so I just…stopped by. Oh, I'm sorry! My name is Clare. Clare Edwards," Clare moved closer to him, her hand extended. The man quickly took a step back and the eyebrow rose further into the shaggy hairline.

"I'm sorry," Clare blushed and recoiled her hand, "Um…if the position is already filled…"

"Clare Edwards?" His voice was velvet, and Clare could feel the hairs stick up on the back of her neck as he circled her like a lion going in for the kill, "I just don't think you're really what I'm looking for."

"But…but you haven't even really heard anything about me."

"I can tell by looking at you."

"That's discrimination!"

"Not if I am doing it to try to protect you it's not, _Clare Edwards_," the way he said her voice made Clare's stomach flutter, "I am sorry, but you just aren't right to work here."

"But I will work hard. Please…"

"I'm sorry," he held his hands up as if he had no say in the matter, "You just aren't right to work at E.G Photography. Don't feel bad, really. I am sure you'll find another job."

"But I need to find a job soon and…"

"And I have said multiple times that I am sorry, but I am just not going to hire you."

"I'll do anything," Clare regretted the words as soon as they spilled out of her mouth like water from a faucet.

His lips upturned into a half-smirk and again, he raised that eyebrow, "_Anything_? Something tells me that's a lie, Clare Edwards and you really do not strike me as one to be a _liar_."

Clare didn't know how to respond to that; she really wanted to just leave, but at the same time, she wanted an explanation as to why she couldn't have the job. She didn't think there was exactly anything wrong with her. She had dressed professionally for her interview – floral skirt, navy leggings, high heels, a blouse that was only to be cleaned by dry cleaning. She had even pulled her hair up into a tight bun. Really, she had no idea what the problem was.

"I just don't understand why I can't have the position."

"You want to know why you can't have the position? Because, darling, it's not for you."

"How do you know?" Clare grew defensive, "You don't know me, and don't call me darling."

"Whatever," he rolled his eyes, "Here," he slipped behind the desk and slid a black binder her way, "Take a look. You want to know why you can't work here? That's why."

Clare cracked the binder open and instantly snapped it shut when she saw what was inside.

"That's what I thought," he smirked, yanking it from her hands, "You're blushing."

"I-I had no idea it would be this kind of photography…."

"Well, now you know. Shut the door on your way out."

Clare had to remind herself to shut her mouth that had somehow fallen open. She curtly nodded, cursing the heated blush on her cheeks, and turned to leave.

_I had no idea, _Clare mused as she rode down on the elevator, _I mean how could I have possibly known? And he was such an..an…egotistical jerk about everything. Honestly! It's for the best. I don't think I could stand being around that…that cad for another minute!_

She had no idea at the time though that her dance with the devil was only just beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Oh my goodness! I would have never guessed the response this would have! Thank you guys so much. Slightly OCC, but this story is based off the love story of a famous couple that I absolutely adore. If you can guess who, then you get brownie points. This chapter is the story of how the famous couple met. **

Chapter Two

It had been three weeks since Clare had moved to New York. She had finally found a job as a receptionist in a doctor's office, and had little to no contact with her family. She hadn't spoken to her mother since the move, but she and her stepbrother Jake emailed every once in a while. It was weird not having spoken to her mom, but Clare was starting to accept the fact that maybe this was just the way her new life was going to be.

The job wasn't too bad, and she didn't really mind the fact that she was working as a receptionist. The doctor's in the practice were all very nice, and she even met a man. He had come in for a consultation about getting a mole removed from his neck. It wasn't glamorous, but he had flirted with her as she ran his paperwork. It was nice to be noticed again, and having not had a boyfriend since KC, his advances were welcome.

So of course, when he asked Clare to join him for dinner and drinks at Carmine's, how could Clare possibly refuse? Besides, this was her new life and she was finding herself to be more and more adventurous each day. What could it possibly hurt to just join the man for dinner? So Clare accepted, and waited anxiously the rest of the week for Friday night to arrive. When it finally did, she found herself suddenly overcome by awkwardness – she hadn't been on a date in years, and now she realized how inexperienced she was. Clare showered and dried and curled her hair. She even applied a little extra makeup, and did the smoky eyes Ali had taught her to do. As Clare applied some mascara, she smiled a faraway smile and was thankful that Ali was planning a trip out to visit in a few weeks.

After finishing makeup, Clare decided on a short black dress and a clunky necklace. After glancing over her reflection in mirror, Clare decided she finally was ready for Edward to arrive. As she awkwardly paced around the apartment, she couldn't help but feel the butterflies take over her stomach. She was nervous. She had no idea how to act on a date, but she was excited that she was actually getting a date.

The doorbell finally rang, and Edward greeted her with a handshake. Clare didn't think that's how dates greeted each other, but she decided to shrug it off. They took a cab to dinner, and Edward talked about his work. Apparently he was a lab assistant, and told Clare all about his profession, which wasn't all that exciting. Clare decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, but when she would try to comment or even say anything at all, he'd hush her ad continue.

Diner wasn't much better. Edward talked all about how he was the smartest in his high school class and graduated from college at the age of sixteen. Then he went into incredible detail regarding how he thought he wasn't going to get into NYU due to a B he made on a science exam. Then he talked about his collection of argyle socks and Clare swore she was going to lose it.

She was usually a patient person, but this…this was too much. He wouldn't even let her get a word in edgewise even resorted to ordering for her, giving some excuse as to how he was more versed with the menu than she was – as if she couldn't handle ordering family-style Italian food.

After sharing cannoli's, Edward suggested they walk for a while before catching a cab. He said he didn't want the night to end yet, but Clare was pretty sure it was just because he wanted to hear himself talk for a little longer. While he was asking her about her ambitions, and if all she wanted to do with her life was to be a receptionist, Clare saw him.

The photographer.

He was leaning against a light post, sucking on a cigarette. Clare knew she had to get away from Edward, and if it meant having to interact with the photographer so be it.

"Hey!" Clare called to him, picking up her pace and waving exaggeratedly. He raised an eyebrow for a moment, and at first Clare was worried this whole mess would backfire on her.

"Edward," she turned to her date, "This is my boyfriend. I am sorry, when I accepted your date, we were taking some time off, but now we're back on and stronger than ever so…I really didn't know how to call you and cancel the date; but he's kind of the jealous type so…"

"Unless you don't want to get your ass beaten in," the photographer smirked, "I suggest you don't speak to my woman ever again."

Edward blushed furiously, and opened his mouth to say something. Clare didn't know what to do. She knew he was about to something and whatever it was, it wouldn't be pleasant. She was not the type to be a fan of confrontation, and before she could stop herself – and before Edward to could say anything – she grabbed the photographer's hand in her own and shouted –

"Run!'

She didn't know what overcame her, or him, but together hand in hand, they took off down the street. Clare glanced back nervously and noticed Edward was not following them. They slowed their pace, panting, and released each other's hand.

"Thank you," Clare said on a breath.

"No problem."

"I'm Clare."

"I remember you. I didn't really introduce myself the last time we met. I'm Eli."

"Eli," Clare tasted the name on her lip, "The pornographic photographer."

"I prefer to think of myself as an artist who tends to lean towards glorifying the human form. So, was that guy an asshole, or what was the problem?"

"He was horrible, but not in a mean way. Very narcissistic though."

Eli nodded, and lit himself another cigarette.

"You shouldn't do that – those things will kill you one day."

"No one's immortal, Clare," Eli shrugged, puffing some smoke out at her.

After making a point to cough and wave away the smoke, Clare asked, "Did you ever find a receptionist?"

"Yeah, her name is Mandi. She's actually modeled for me before."

"Modeled?" Clare scoffed, "Is that would you call it? Zoomed in photos of penises and women's nipples isn't what I would think of as modeling."

"Someone has to pose for the pictures."

"What time of girl would pose for a photo like that?"

"And that's why I couldn't hire you," he raised an eyebrow and scoffed, making Clare feel extremely inferior, "The type of girl who takes those photos are girls who are confident in themselves. Girls who are sure of their sexuality and their bodies."

Clare blushed and added, "Girls not like me."

"Well…" Eli shrugged, "It is what it is."

An awkward silence fell between them, and Clare quickly said "Thanks for following my lead back there."

"Sure thing. So, are you headed home now?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well…the night is still young and this s my place," he nodded towards an apartment they suddenly found themselves standing in front of, "So…"

"Oh…no," Clare objected, "I can't…"

"I'm not going to rob you of your virtue or whatever dumbass thing you're thinking," Eli chuckled, "I'm just inviting you in for a drink to apologize for kind of being a prick when you came in for the interview. Just one drink?"

"One?"

"One. Then I will call a cab to come get you."

"Promise?"

"You have my word."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: When I started writing Degrassi fanfics, it was because I felt so attached to Eli. I was going through some similar stuff, and his character really got me through. He was my muse and my inspiration. But now his character seems so different. I know character development is good, but it's like he's not even the same person anymore. I became detached to this new Eli. And because of that, I've become detached to the show. It just doesn't hold the same spark for me anymore. I still love it, but it's just not the same. I want to work on this story some, and see where it goes. I am sorry for this. It's just my personal stuff, and I hope you respect that. I still love the show, I just don't feel that connection I once did. **

**Disclaimer: Remember I said this would be slightly OOC because the characters are based off of people and if you guess those people you get a high five or something? So if they seem OOC its because they are being merged with this other storyline. **

Chapter Three

"Voila," Eli presented her with a black binder, "my portfolio, or at least what I have so far. It's not much, but someday when I make it big and all of these look like crap compared to what I will be able to do then, these will be worth something. Right now, they're just really crude. Mostly polaroid shots. I want you to look at them, but if you don't want to…"

"No," Clare's cheeks flushed as she cracked open the binder, "I want to see your work," and she did. The young photographer fascinated her. She had never seen such provocative images before, and it scared her, but also intrigued her. Her fingers flew to the little gold cross around her neck as she came across one picture of a picture of a full-frontal naked man only holding a whip in his hand.

"That one is just some exploratory work. I am fascinated by the eternal struggle of sex and violence in the subconscious mind. I don't know," he chuckled and poured himself a second glass of cheap wine, "Maybe I think too much into it. I just think there's something beautiful about it. Call me crazy."

"No," Clare's voice was soft as she ran her hand across the plastic covering of the photo, "It's…interesting."

"Funny," he smirked, "I would have guessed you'd slam it shut and walk out or something."

Clare turned the page, not answering him. She didn't know how the photographs made her feel. Amidst the naked bodies, the frank body parts glorified in the photos, there were also photos of flowers and of mothers holding their children. The contrast confused and delighted her at the same time.

"These are really good."

"Just these?" Eli raised an eyebrow and Clare rolled her eyes, knowing he was teasing her.

"And the others too," she admitted, "It's not that I don't like them, or don't appreciate them, I just don't understand them. I don't understand your fascination with the human body and…and sex."

"Have you ever made love?" Eli asked, raising his brow again.

"What kind of question is that?" Clare demanded, her cheeks flushing, "I don't think that's an appropriate question at all to be asking…"

"So I am going to take that as a no."

Clare blushed furiously as she hopped up from the couch, "I-I should be going…"

"Oh calm down, Virgin Mary," Eli laughed, rolling his eyes, grabbing her hand, and pulling her back down onto the couch, "No judgment. Well, maybe slight judgment. But honestly, I don't mean anything bad by it. Don't look at me with that look on your face. I'm not making fun of you. The reason you don't understand is because you've never experienced it. Okay, for research purposes only, why haven't you made love yet? What's stopping you from it?"

"I-I don't think that's appropriate either. I need to go, Eli. Thank you for the wine. I appreciate it, and I also thank you for saving me again back there, but…"

"Answer the question, Mary."

"Fine," Clare scowled, "I will if you stop calling me that."

"Fine," Eli crossed his arms over his chest, "You were saying?"

"I just haven't found the right person yet," Clare adjusted a strand of hair and tried to sit as straight and dignified as she could, despite the mortification swelling inside of her. She wanted to be anywhere but there, doing anything but answering these horrible questions.

"Fair enough. How do you know if you have found the right person?"

"I-I will just know."

"Will there be an olive branch, or perhaps fireworks?"

"Okay, now you're making fun of me."

"Not true. I just want to know. Do you think this," he hooked a finger through the chain of the cross, lifting it off her neck, "will show you? Will there be some sort of sign?"

Clare didn't bat his hand away, despite the urge to, "I will just know. Once there is a connection, and once I know he's the one I want to give myself to, then I will consider…"

"That's it!" He snapped his fingers and pointed excitedly at her, as if he had just come to this grand discovery, "_That's_ your problem! You consider, you think. You don't just _do_."

"Well, of course not. I need to be careful. I mean, I don't want to live with the thought that I just threw myself away to no one in particular. It has to matter. And then there's, of course, the health reasons, and…"

"You're just coming up with bullshit excuses now," Eli smirked, "You wouldn't throw yourself away. It's never throwing yourself away. It always matters – in a good way, or a bad way, it always matters. Besides, we're talking about making love, not fucking – they're two completely different concepts."

Clare shifted uncomfortably, "I know that."

"Do you? Love making is passion and fire and romance. Fucking is raw, animalistic, and hungry. That's the difference. See, I like to merge the two in my photos. And in my sex life, but you don't really need to know about that, do you? Unless…" he smirked, teasing her again, "…are you interested in my sex life? I'm kidding!"

"You're impossible," Clare rolled her eyes, "Now, we agreed on one glass of wine, and the bottle is almost gone. I really should be going now. It's been fun, but…"

"Alright, I'll call you a taxi."

"Really?"

"I said I would, didn't I?"

"You're not going to pressure me to stay or…or…"

"You're insulting me, Virgin Mar – _oops_. Sorry," he grinned sheepishly, "I forgot I wasn't allowed to call you that anymore. Now then, when I tell you I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it. I'm going to call you that cab and I'm going to give you my phone number. I want you to call me and let me know when you get back safely to wherever it is you live."

Clare followed him over to the phone on the wall, "Why do you care?" She asked, not spitefully but simply out of sheer curiosity as to why a stranger would possibly be putting so much effort into her.

"I put effort into the things I think deserve to have effort put into them," he answered simply, picking up the phone to dial the taxi company.

Clare's brow furrowed, confused and taken by the photographer. There was something so mesmerizing about him, and she couldn't shake the pull the felt towards him. It was so confusing and Clare felt her head grow light. Maybe it was just the wine…

After Eli placed the call, he dug a pencil and a scrap of paper from the drawer next to the phone and scribbled his number down for her, "Here you go. Now, I expect that phone call when you get in."

"I-I'll call."

"Good. The taxi guy said it'd be about thirty minutes. So…"

"What made you start into photography?" Clare asked, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Gee," Eli bit down on his lip for a second, "I don't know. I always liked art and painting, but there was something magic about capturing something with a camera. Documenting souls onto film. It's beautiful," he ran a hand through his hair, "What brought you to New York – since we're playing 20 questions."

"Oh, are we?" Clare raised an eyebrow, earning herself a nod in response, "Well…I wanted to take some time off from school. I had no idea what I wanted to do, and still don't. I just needed some time to sort everything out. My mom wanted me to go to some Christian university and that just isn't my thing. But then again, I don't really know _what_ my thing is," Clare sighed, frustrated, "I'm making no sense."

"You are," Eli leaned against the counter next to her, "Knowing what you don't want is the first start to knowing what you do want."

Clare nodded, "You're right. I just wish my mom could understand that. She uh…she kind of threw me out of the house when I told her I didn't want to go to that school and that I wanted to wait until I figured some things out first before deciding on a university."

"Wow," Eli's eyes widened, "I'm…I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I just…I never thought she had it in her to do that to me. We used to be close."

"Parents are always supposed to want to take care of you," Eli frowned, "I'm not trying to be a stalker, but where are you staying? Surely you're nowhere nice. Not that this dump is nice, but I have my parents helping me pay for it."

"I'm in a little brownstone. It's not too bad. Okay, that's a lie," Clare smiled down at the tile floor, "but it's all I can do right now. I have an okay job right now, and it helps pay the rent, but I would like some place a bit…better one day."

"Well, if it ever gets too much I have a couch you can crash on."

"Really?" Clare's brow furrowed, "Again, why all the effort?"

"Like I said, you matter. There's something about you, Clare. You demand to be cared about without even knowing it. To deny you of that would be catastrophic," Eli smirked and nudged her shoe with the toe of his sneaker, "Is it my turn to ask a question, since you just did?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Alrighty. Will you let me take your picture before you leave? Calm down," Eli held up his hands, "don't freak, you can have all your clothes on. I just…I want to capture this night. This moment. You. Here. Leaning against the counter. Hair falling into your eye. Makeup smudged with the wear from the day. This. Right now. Right here. Can I?"

Clare swallowed the lump of nerves in her throat and said, "Okay."

Eli nodded curtly before disappearing to grab a polaroid camera. When he returned, he aimed the camera and tilted from side to side, capturing a perfect angle. Then, without warning, click. Clare blinked, surprised at how candid the photo was – she didn't even have the time to smile or fix her hair.

Eli waited for the camera to spit out the photo before he gave the little white card a shake. The picture fizzled its way onto the card and Eli smiled, pleased, when he saw it.

"Let me see," Clare leaned around him to get a look.

"It's perfect," Eli told her, showing the photo to her.

"I look like a wreck."

"No, you look human. You look…beautiful."

Clare glanced up at him, the word – one she wasn't used to associating with herself – surprised her. She wanted to say something, but the words tangled in her throat. Instead, they stood there, staring at each other as if unable to break away from each other's gaze. Suddenly, the phone rang and they were brought back into reality.

Eli answered it and after a few exchanges, hung up and told Clare that her taxi was there.

"Don't forget to call me," Eli reminded her as she headed out the door of his apartment.

"I won't, don't worry."

"Ah, don't you know Clare?" Eli smirked, "I'm always going to worry about you."

Clare smiled, puzzled, and shook her head, "I'll see you around."

"I guess you will."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Whoo! I am so incredibly happy right now. I was so scared I was practically vomiting, but my professor loved my first poem. I am so overjoyed. Sure, I have things to work on, but to hear him say that my writing was excellent was something I will never forget. I am on the right path. I am doing what I love, and loving what I do. So I just want to share the joy I feel with you right now. Also, this story took inspiration from Robert Mapplethorpe and Patti Smith, but now it has taken on a life all its own.**

Chapter Four

Clare couldn't explain why her hands were shaking as she rode in the taxi, or the feeling of butterflies in her stomach. She tried to brush them off of being nothing more than a buzz from the alcohol; but she knew herself a little bit better than that. She knew that the cause of these feelings was the young photographer. When she arrived at her brownstone, Clare passed the driver the cash, and headed up the steps. She struggled to find her keys in her oversized bag. As she was consumed with the task of sorting through her purse, she didn't notice the figure approaching her from behind. It wasn't until she felt the cool sleekness of steel against her throat did she realize anything was out of the ordinary.

Gasping, she tried to keep herself calm. One flick of the blade, and she would be done. She tried to keep her breathing as steady as she could, but inside turmoil was bubbling over.

"Just…just tell me what you want," she begged, her voice cracking as the blade pressed closer.

"Everything."

"Here," Clare handed over her purse, "It's all I have."

"And this," the man spun her around and Clare gasped as he removed the knife and flicked at the gold cross around her neck.

"Please," Clare begged, she was shaking so hard she was sure she would fall over, "My…my mom gave that to me. It's all I really have of…"

"Shut up, bitch. Hand it over, I'll rip it off that pretty neck of yours."

Clare squeaked with fear and her hands hurriedly unclasped the chain and dropped the necklace into his open palm. He glanced around anxiously before taking off down the street where he hopped into a black car and drove away. It took her a moment to realize what had just happened, and she crumpled onto the cement of the steps outside the brownstone and didn't dare move.

So many thoughts flooded through her mind. She had no idea what to do. She had seen enough crime shows to know what she should do, but the man's face hadn't stuck in her mind, nor had the car. She leaned her head against the brick and told herself how stupid she was for not paying closer attention. After a while, Clare realized that the sun was beginning to wake itself up, and she knew she would have to move eventually.

Slowly, she stood up from the cold concrete – her steps uneven and shaky. She made her way into the lobby of the apartment and over to the desk. No one would be there until at least seven that morning. Clare glanced at the clock on the wall – it was only five. Sighing, she had no idea where to go. She couldn't get into her apartment because her keys were in her bag which was now Lord knew where. She decided to sit on the couch in the lobby and wait for the manager to come in. She sunk into the cheap leather sofa and tried to busy herself by glancing around the lobby at the ugly water colors and cheap, peeling wallpaper like a dead skin. Finally she dug her hands into her pockets out of pure boredom, and felt a small scrap of paper – Eli's phone number! She had no one else, and she knew he was her only option. But how could she ever explain to him what had just happened to her? He already thought of her as young and naïve and this would only confirm everything.

But what choice did she have? Clare stood from the couch and headed back to the front desk. There was an old chord phone off to the side for tenant use. She dug out the scrap of paper and dialed the number. Her heart was practically about to jump from her chest when he answered –

"You're late."

"Uh…excuse me?"

"I told you to call me when you got back. It doesn't take four hours to get back to your apartment. What's up?" The voice was sleepy, and she wanted to kick herself for waking him.

"I-I was…mugged, Eli."

"_What_?" The voice had shed all evidence of exhaustion and he was now fully awake and practically shouting, "Clare? Where are you? Are you hurt? Have you called anyone?"

"He…he took everything, Eli. I didn't know what else to do. I can't get into my apartment because I don't have my key. Eli…I don't know what to do. Your number is the only thing I had left on me. I am so sorry for bothering you with this…"

"Where are you?"

"Don't worry, I'll be…"

"Where the hell are you, Clare?"

"At-at the Brownstone on North."

"I'll see you soon."

Clare opened her mouth to object, but he had already hung up. She felt so ridiculous. She knew better. She knew she shouldn't have tried to mess with her keys before getting inside the apartment. She knew she shouldn't have had her back turned like that. She felt ridiculous and stupid and she just wanted to melt into a puddle.

After a few minutes, there was a knock on the door and Clare hurried to open it and allow Eli in.

"Clare!" He grabbed her into a tight hug, wrapping a hand through her hair and holding her as close to him as possible, "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"No…just shaken up a bit. I-it's my fault. I had my key card to swipe to get in out, but I didn't have my keys out so when I got up to the door, I was trying to dig them out of my purse when he…when he came up behind me and put a knife…"

"_Jesus_!" Eli held her out at arms' length, his eyes scanning back and forth as if making sure for himself that she had no injuries, "Clare, what did he take? Did you get a good look at the guy?"

"No," she shook her head and stepped back, away from him, "I am so stupid, Eli. I shouldn't have…I should have paid….I just…"

"Shut up, Clare," again, she was in his arms, "none of this is your fault, alright? Now then, what did he take?"

"My purse. It had my ID and some cash, and my bank cards. My phone…my wallet…um…he took my necklace too."

"Damn it," he hissed, "Alright, we're going to go to the police and then we're coming back here and you're going to talk to your landlord and get your stuff out of your apartment. Then, you're going to come to my place. You can stay there as long as you…"

"Eli, I am fine here. Really."

"No. Clare, this neighborhood isn't safe at all. I will not have you staying here. You're moving in with me until we can find you a different arrangement, alright? Now then, we're also going to cancel your bank cards, and just take this one step at a time."

"I just want to forget."

"Well you can't," Eli's voice was very straight-forward, "you have to face this, Clare. Alright? But you're not alone, and you're going to face it with me right here holding your hand."

"You care too much about me."

"Bullshit," a small grin lifted at the corner of his lips, "C'mon. My cab is waiting."


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Yay updates! Did I tell y'all who this story is inspired from yet? Let me know in a review and if not, I need to do that! I'll post it in an author's note in the next chapter. Hint: He's my favorite artist/photographer and the girl he was in love with is one of my favorite singers. They were around in the 70s. Any guesses anyone? *wiggles eyebrows up and down and grins like a creeper because I am way to excited for this story and to be updating* Oh and remember this is AU and a bit OOC because I do want to mix the characters with the actual people this is based off of so I am trying to do a fair mixing of both.

Chapter Five

Clare had reported the incident, Eli's hand in hers the whole time, only to be told that there had been a string of muggings and it was to just be expected in the area she had been in. The police man told her that "these incidents" happen almost every minute. Eli wasn't about to take that as an acceptable answer and tried to argue with the cop only to be told that they had filed the paperwork and that was the best they could do at the moment. Eli was fuming as he led Clare out the door of the police station and to the cab that was waiting.

"Can you believe them? What good are cops if they aren't going to do their jobs!"

Clare had no idea what to say. She was still so overwhelmed from what had happened, and was utterly exhausted. After climbing into the cab, she let her head fall sleepily against the window. Eli sighed and decided that maybe being ticked off wasn't what Clare needed at the moment. He tried to make himself calm down and said, "We'll go back to my place and you can rest there, alright? I am sorry it's been a crazy night for you."

She nodded, sleep weighing heavily on her eyelids, "Thank you, Eli."

"Sure thing," he shrugged as if it was no big deal. In all honesty, he could still feel the blood boiling within his veins. He hated the thought of someone hurting Clare. He didn't know why he was so protective of her. If it had been anyone else he probably wouldn't have cared, but Clare was different. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew there was something vastly different about her and he wanted to shield her from everything bad in the city. He wrapped an auburn curl around his finger, "I need to keep an eye on you better, darling."

"You don't have to look out for me," she tried to protest but was too tired to put up much of an argument.

"Someone has to," Eli answered simply, admiring the little curl around his finger.

When the taxi pulled up in front of his apartment, Eli paid the driver and helped Clare up the stairs and inside. Once inside his apartment, Eli flipped the light on and bothered his lower lip between his teeth for a moment. He had never been in this sort of situation before and didn't exactly know what he was supposed to do. He thought of setting up a bed for her on the couch, but decided that wouldn't do. Instead, he took Clare by the hand and led her to his bedroom.

"You can crash in here," he explained, "It's fine. I need to organize some bookkeeping type stuff for the studio, but I'll be right out in the living room if you need me."

Clare wasn't really listening; she was meandering around the bedroom looking at the black and white photographs on the walls. Each one was in a simple black frame and, like the photos in the portfolio, were of various genitalia. Her eyes widened and for a moment she felt uncomfortable until she reminded herself what Eli had said about the pictures - about the beauty in the human form and...sex. Clare's cheeks flushes slightly.

"I'll just say it," Eli stuffed his hands into his pockets and glanced around at the pictures on the walls, "Each one of these photos is someone I've slept with."

Clare bit down on her lower lip and tried not to be taken aback by that statement. The thought of numerous sex partners frightened her. All her life she had been told that sex was something to be shared between husband and wife and no one else. She didn't want to be like her mother and be judgmental but she couldn't help it. She turned to Eli and hoped she didn't look quite so much like the prude little Christian girl she was. She wanted to like Eli for all he had done for her and she wanted nothing more than to try to understand the way he saw the world from behind the lens of a camera but it was difficult. Everything was so strange to her and so unusual. Eli was the poster-boy of the guys her mother had warned her about that would try to prey on her in The Big City. An amusing thought popped into her head as she imagined her mother's face if she saw Eli's photos.

"Oh," was all she could say, then one picture caught her glance. Clare's eyes widened.

"Yes," Eli chuckled lightly, "that is a guy. I don't like labels, Clare," his voice suddenly took on a serious tone, "so please respect that."

"I-I will."

"There's a difference between making love and fucking," he explained and his use of the expletive caused Clare's ears to turn a shade of pink, "Both are equally beautiful in their own right. For me, I prefer to make love to girls, but when it comes to fucking, I prefer guys. When I fuck, I want someone who can match me in bed," he grabbed the corner of his bottom lip between his teeth in a manner in which Clare found to be adorable and out of place given the conversation topic, "What can I say?" Eli shrugged, "Everyone is different. I just see stuff like this as artistic and beautiful and raw and there's something magic about sex."

Clare nodded and kept her eyes level on the picture of the male genitalia, "Maybe someday I'll understand."

"You will. When the right guy comes along. With the olive branch and the fireworks."

"Okay, _now_ you're making fun of me," Clare's eyes met his and she noticed how his danced teasingly.

"Perhaps," Eli walked over to the neatly-made bed, "You should rest, darling. When you wake up, I still want to get your things and have you move in here with me."

"Eli..." Clare's head spun with thoughts, "I just met you...I don't know if I should."

"I understand it's fast but sometimes the best things happen fast and sneak up on us. I just want to know you're safe and you'll be safe here with me."

Clare blushed and her eyes fell on another picture. Eli understood and said, "It won't be like that. You'll just be a roommate. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I would love to photograph you sometime. Not until you're comfortable of course, but that picture I took of you last night was so stunning. I dunno," he shook his head, "I just think you'd make a beautiful subject to photograph."

Rose petals stained her cheeks and Clare said, "Maybe someday I'll let you."

"Only when you're comfortable," Eli assured her, "and nothing like these. Something softer for sure," he explained, "with soft light. You're so purely beautiful, Clare. I want to capture that and hold on to it forever."

Clare's rose petals deepened, and Eli felt bad for embarrassing her, "In that dresser you'll find some t-shirts and boxers you can put on to rest in. Like I said, I'll be out in the living room taking care of some work things. If you need me, just call alright?"

"Okay," Clare nodded.

Eli paused before turning to leave, biting at his lip again as he stared at her. After a moment, he shook his head and shut the door behind him. Once he was gone, Clare walked up to each picture to get better glances. The original shock had worn off, but she still felt herself struggle to become comfortable with the photographs. She really did long to understand things the way Eli did. She had never thought about sex the way he had explained it to her and there was something so beautiful about it. Clare tried to ignore her mother's voice in the back of her head. She went back to the picture of the guy she had noticed earlier. She thought of what Eli had said about being matched in bed and a sneaky little thought entered her head -

_I bet he's great at love-making _and_ fucking._

Clare's eyes became wide as saucers as she realized what she had just thought. She didn't know what horrified her more - the idea of Eli's performance in bed, or that she had actually used "the f-word." Clare shook her head and continued to glance at the other pictures peppering the walls. They were beautiful black and white Polaroids of women lying on the bed or leaning against the wall seductively - all of them in the bedroom she was currently standing in. She looked at the bed, the sheets perfectly clean and crisp. Clare felt strangely about sleeping in the bed in which so many acts had taken place, but she was grateful for everything Eli was doing for her. He was so gentle with her.

Clare abandoned the pictures on the walls and headed towards the dresser. She slipped out of her own clothes and pulled on one of Eli's black v-neck t-shirts. It smelled of laundry detergent and Snuggle laundry softener. She smiled, bemused at the thought of someone like Eli using Snuggle softener. After she had changed, Clare crawled into the bed and pulled up the sheets. The bed was so comfortable - completely opposite of the one she had had in her apartment.

Her apartment.

Her thoughts wandered back towards the offer Eli had put on the table. He wanted her to live with him. She wasn't sure if that was such a good idea. What would her mother say? Clare tried to remind herself that her mother's opinions had stopped mattering the moment Clare had moved out, but her voice was still in the back of Clare's head. She had just met Eli. What if all of this was just an act? What if he would hurt her? Everything felt like something from a strange romance novel or a really creepy episode of Dateline and Clare didn't know which it was.

She sighed and tried to relax against Eli's pillow. She imagined him sleeping here - his chest heaving up and down with sleepy breaths. Her cheeks stung with another blush. She didn't understand the way he made her feel, but there was something so strong that she felt when she was with him. She couldn't explain it, but Clare felt connected to Eli.

_Ridiculous_, she said, _we've only just met! I hardly know anything about him. And even if I did, that's not grounds to move in with him. I cannot shack up with some guy that I don't even know. It'd be...irresponsible and what would Mom say if she found out? I just can't live with a guy without being married to him. It's wrong. It's a...it's a sin. _Clare's eyes rested on another photograph - this one was a woman, naked, her legs spread out and with black high-heels on her feet. She had a rose bud covering her..._who am I kidding_, Clare sighed and rolled her eyes.

Just as she was on the verge of sleep, an unexpected thought entered her mind -

_An eternity in hell is worth it for a moment with Eli._

Clare was too sleepy to be bothered by it. Instead, she ignored the voice, closed her eyes, and fell soundly asleep in Eli's bed.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note PLEASE READ: I dunno if I want to tell you who I used for inspiration for Eli's character just yet. I don't want it to take away from the story. I'm debating it. Anyways, two chapters in one night? I am finally back in my writing zone and I love it. Thank you so much for your kind reviews and for sticking with me throughout all of this. You all are the best! Also to clarify, Eli isn't really bi. The artist I am basing part of him from saw the beauty of the human body and sex in all genders and was passionate about that. He wasn't really "gay" or "bi." Sex to him was more artistic than sexual and that's what I am kind of doing with Eli. Sorry if it shocked any of you and I don't mean to upset anyone. I'm just trying to blend the two.

Chapter Six

Clare was stirred awake by the smell of coffee brewing. She groggily sat up in the bed and glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was two in the afternoon. For a split second, she forgot where she was until she saw the photos on the wall and everything came back to her. She rubbed the film of sleep from her eyes and meandered out to the living room. Eli was hunched over on the couch scribbling notes in a notebook. There was a steaming cup of black coffee next to him on the coffee table.

"Hi."

Eli turned and a smile broke out across his face, "Hey there, Sleeping Beauty. Did you get any rest?"

"Yes, thank you for letting me crash. I uh...I really appreciate it."

"Sure thing," Eli turned back to the notebook on his lap and Clare stood behind him, peering over his shoulder.

"So what are you working on?"

"Stuff for the studio - dates for photo shoots and some tax stuff. It's boring," he made a face, causing Clare to laugh, "That's why I fixed myself the coffee, I am trying to stay awake but honestly, this stuff can really put a guy to sleep."

Clare came around to the front of the couch and sat down next to him. She took the notebook from him and put it in her own lap. The pages were organized and dated with tax information, billing information, and dates for photo shoots. It wasn't the most organized way of doing things, which drove Clare a tad crazy, but if it worked for Eli, she wasn't going to try to meddle.

"You have a photo shoot today?" She read off one of the dates, "At...five?"

"Yeah, I am meeting a girl at the studio for a photo shoot. I have a gallery show coming up in the next couple of months and I'm just playing around with different ideas. If I like what we get done today, I'll put some of it in my showing."

"I'd like to come."

"To the gallery show or the shoot today?" Eli raised an eyebrow.

"Um...both?" Clare didn't know what had prompted her to say that; all she knew was that she wanted to get inside Eli's head and see the world as he saw it and the best way she could think to do that was to experience it.

"Are you sure you'd be comfortable?" Eli asked, "I don't want to put you in a situation where you feel uncomfortable."

Clare bothered her lower lip between her teeth. She wasn't sure how she would handle the photo shoot, but she desperately wanted to tag along, "Please Eli, I'd like to come."

He thought it over for a second before nodding, "Okay. I'll talk with Sherrie when we get there and see if she minds having someone look on. I am sure she'll be fine with it though. Clare?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm glad you want to come along," a warm smile spread across his face. It meant a lot to him that she was so willing to open up and experience his world. He wasn't sure she would be able to and the fact that she was putting aside her own inhibitions meant a lot to him. Though he still wasn't sure how he felt about Clare being exposed to that world. He wanted to show her everything he saw and share with her every bit of passion, but at the same time he was worried about doing something to hurt her. He didn't want to put her into a situation she wasn't really prepared for.

Clare was different from any other girl Eli had known and that scared the hell out of him. He wanted so badly to protect her and shield her from so much, but at the same time, he also wanted to share every bit of his life with her. No other girl had ever made him feel this way before about anything. With Clare, everything was suddenly so different. Eli was no longer in control. She was, and he gladly handed that control over to her.

"Have you thought about my offer?" He asked, his mind wandering back to how desperately he wanted her to stay with him. She confused him and tilted his world on its side but he wanted nothing more than to have her in his life. The very thought of a moment without her close by was just as frightening as the thought of her being close by.

"I'm not saying yes, but..."

Eli turned to her, a huge grin on his face. Clare rolled her eyes but smiled as she continued, "I just think maybe we could try this out. Like a trial run If I come to the conclusion that you're not a creeper who's going to rape me in my sleep or something, then I'll consider - _consider_ - moving in."

Eli was still smiling, a dancing glint in his eye as he said, "Well how do you know I'm not going to get full-creeper on you and rape you in your sleep during our trial run?"

"Because you'll be on your best behavior trying to impress me so I finally say yes."

Eli scowled, knowing she was completely right. He was already planning on how to go about trying to convince her to not leave, "You got me."

Clare smirked and Eli said, "Don't do that. That's my thing."

She continued to smirk, "You don't have it trademarked."

Eli rolled his eyes, shaking his head as a shadow of a smile teased his lips, "You know what is going to be extraordinarily difficult about this living arrangement?"

"What?"

"Forcing myself to not grab you and kiss you."

Clare could feel the goosebumps prickle at her skin and the breath was suddenly stolen from her lungs. A blush played at her cheeks as Eli's small smile turned into a grin. He had to admit, he loved making her flustered. There was something about the way her glass-blue eyes would widen with shock and the pink of her cheeks that made him even more crazy about her than he already was. He was trying to tell himself not to get too attached so quickly, but Eli never did anything slowly. He always jumped in without seeing how deep the water was - always. Calm and reasonable weren't in his vocabulary and he was crazy about this girl whom he had just met.

Finally, Clare was able to form words, "Wh-why would you um...force yourself not to?"

"Well, darling," there was that grin again that caused butterflies to metamorphose in her stomach, "I don't want to do anything to scare you away. I'm trying to make you my roommate here. Besides, you're the settle-down type. I'm the different girl every weekend type," Eli shrugged, "that's just the way it is. So I am being careful here. Don't you see it?"

"See what?" Clare's brows furrowed with confusion and she desperately tried to stamp the notion out of her mind that she wished Eli wouldn't force himself not to kiss her and would just do it.

"The 'Handle With Care' sticker you have right here," he tapped a finger to her chest where her heart was.

Clare felt deflated at the loss of his touch when he let his hand drop away from her, "What if - and I am only thinking hypothetically here - I did want you to kiss me one day?"

"You don't want me to kiss you."

"And why not?"

"Because," Eli shrugged again, "it's like I said. You are the settle-down type. I'm not. I don't want to give you false hope. If I kiss you, I don't want you to think that that changes the fact that I'll have people over on the weekends in my bed with me."

Clare frowned as she chewed on her words, "Okay. But what if I were to - and again, this is all hypothetical - kiss you?"

Eli chuckled, "Virgin Mary would never!"

"You said you wouldn't call me that!" Clare smacked him playfully in the arm.

"Fine," Eli held up his hands in surrender, "Saint Clare would never do that."

"And what makes you so sure?"

"Because if you wanted to kiss me, you'd have done it by now."

"Maybe I am just working up my courage to do something so bold," Clare set her jaw, the butterflies going crazy inside her stomach.

"And maybe you should stop thinking and just do."

Their eyes were locked on to each other's like magnets and Clare said, "Maybe I think the guy should be the one to make the first move."

"And maybe the girl should grow a pair and just do it if she wants to. Maybe the guy won't kiss her until she makes the first move because he is giving her the control."

"And maybe the girl has never done anything like that and is scared."

"Well, does the girl want to kiss the guy?" Eli titled his head to the side and the tension in the room hung like a fog overhead. Their noses were practically touching at this point and Clare could practically taste the cinnamon and bad decisions on his lips.

"Hypothetically?"

"Hypothetically. Does the girl want to kiss the guy?"

"Hypothetically, possibly."

Eli bit his bottom lip and felt the desire for her in the pit of his stomach. He wanted so badly to kiss her and he had wanted to for quite a while. But it was like walking on eggshells with someone like Clare. He didn't want to pressure her or make her do anything that made her uncomfortable. He began to wonder if she had ever even been kissed before. If she had, it certainly wasn't in the way she deserved to be kissed.

"Hypothetically, the guy possibly wants the girl to kiss him but he doesn't want to make her uncomfortable."

"Eli, I've been forced out of my comfort zone so much in the past few weeks. I think I can afford to kiss you. But we're still speaking hypothetically."

Eli bit down harder on his bottom lip until it deepened into blood red and Clare was genuinely having to fight to keep herself from breaking through all of her inhibitions and doubts and just kissing him. She didn't know where the desire to kiss him came from. She had never been one to instigate anything like this before. But something was stirring inside of her. Eli made her feel things in herself she had never felt before. She felt confident. He had enjoyed getting her riled up and making her blush; there was no reason she couldn't do the same. Clare inhaled and worked up the courage to say -

"You really want to kiss me, don't you?" Clare raised an eyebrow, taking note of the desire swimming in his eyes. Eli breathlessly nodded. Clare ran her teeth along her bottom lip before saying, "And why is that?"

"I-I only think that...that we should just have one kiss to get it out of our system."

"You said we should keep this strictly a roommate relationship," Clare reminded him and she swore she could hear a whimper escape his lips.

"Yes because...because," Eli was fighting to get his brain to function enough to form coherent sentences, "I know that you want a guy to be romantic and sweep you off your feet and that just isn't me. If I kiss you, I am worried you'll get it into your head that suddenly I am going to be yours and yours alone and that just isn't who I am. But...I-I really, really want to kiss you, darling. So my thought is that we should go ahead and kiss just once and get it out of our system."

"Is that so?" Clare didn't know where the confidence or the teasing came from but she was enjoying it way too much.

"Only so that we can get it out of our system. We'll kiss just once..."

"Hypothetically."

Eli let a small growl escape his lips as his eyes rolled upwards, "_Hypothetically_. And after that, we can put it behind us and go on as just platonic roommates."

"And what makes you think after we kiss we can just go on being platonic?"

"B-because," she was driving him crazy and if it had been anyone else, Eli would have grabbed her and kissed her until her lips bruised, "It'll just be an...experimental thing." God, he had never wanted to kiss anyone so badly.

"Experimental?"

_Woman, do you know what you're doing to me? _"Yes...experimental. I am the type that has to try everything once, Clare. If I don't kiss you once then it'll eat away at me. If I do kiss you just once then I'll be able to put it behind me and move on. You can move in here and be my roommate and I can go on bringing over whomever I please from the studio or from bars or wherever. But you have to promise me if you do kiss me, you won't get attached. You'll have to let me go on doing my thing."

"Remember," Clare titled her head, a teasing smile lifting at her lips, "this is all just hypothetical."

Another low growl and eye roll. Clare was loving this way too much and she had no idea where the sudden personality change had come from. Maybe she had always been so bold but was never allowed to be. With Eli, he drew that part out of her and she liked it. She liked it a lot. Despite the boldness though, there was still a blush on her cheeks; and even Eli who was always so suave and in control had blotches of pink adoring his hallow cheeks.

He had sworn he wouldn't kiss her. He had sworn he wouldn't do anything that would take away the saintliness in Saint Clare, but he so desperately wanted to just grab her and kiss her. Eli wouldn't though. If they were going to kiss, she was going to make the move. It would be up to her. Eli wasn't used to that, and it was driving him crazy, but Clare was different. He needed to handle her differently and with care and patience.

"Eli, you're lower lip is trembling," Clare smirked. That did it. Care and patience flew out the window. Eli's eyes darkened and his sucked in a deep breath trying to keep his cool before saying -

"Clare?"

"What?"

He raised his eyebrow and in a voice smooth like velvet said, "Clare Edwards, don't you dare make me take this any longer. _Kiss me." _


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Eli had been right in his assumption that Clare had never properly been kissed before. Despite the bantering and the sudden shot of courage, she was suddenly shy and self-conscious when it came to kissing Eli. She leaned in and gave him a small peck on the lips which drove him crazy. A growl worked its way up his throat and suddenly he was straddling her on the couch. _Time for Saint Clare to learn what it means to be truly kissed, _Eli smirked as surprise veiled her face. She was way out of comfort zone but wasn't about to put up any protest - not that Eli really gave her the chance to. He began to suck on her bottom lip, inciting a painful/pleasurable sensation Clare had not known before. He went to work biting and sucking at her lips, teasing her and finally going in for the kiss. Clare surprised herself by kissing him back. She had never been kissed that way before and it made her head spin. She had no idea that kissing could be so much.

Eli, in her opinion, pulled from the kiss too quickly. She realized once his lips left hers that she wasn't ready for the kiss to end and was disappointed that it had. Eli, on the other hand, was bemused. Clare was staring at him with a wide, pleading look in her eyes. He had taken her breath away, literally. She tucked the hair behind her ears and cleared her throat as if trying to regain her composure.

"I want to leave soon for the studio," Eli said, nonchalantly, "So you might want to go get ready if you still want to join me."

She looked at Eli with a cocktail of surprise, disappointment and frustration in her eyes. Eli ran a hand through his hair, smirked, and said -

"You aren't the only one who can be a tease, Saint Clare. Go get ready if you still want to come with me to the studio."

It took her a moment to remember how to breathe and where she was and who she was. Once her brain was able to function again, she nodded and scampered back into Eli's bedroom to change into her own clothes. Once behind the safety of the door, she fell against the wall and brought her fingers to her lips. They were tender to the touch and she knew they were bruised. Her head was spinning and she felt utterly dizzy. Clare had had no idea that what Eli had done was kissing. Her first kiss had been when she was sixteen and their braces had gotten stuck together. Other kisses were just pecks on the lips or cheeks - nothing like that. She had no idea that it was even possible to kiss someone with so much fire behind it.

For a moment, she didn't dare move; she didn't want the moment to be over. Instead, she leaned against the wall and replayed the kiss over and over again in her head. She was hooked - dangerously hooked. Already she wanted to be kissed like that again and again and again. She knew better though. They had both agreed it would only be a one-time-deal. Still though, she would give anything for another taste of Eli - all cinnamon and bad decisions.

As soon as Clare left, Eli slumped back against the couch. He ran his teeth across his bottom lip and shook his head. He had no idea that kissing someone would be so...well, whatever it had been with Clare. The other times he had kissed girls, it was usually to lead to other things. Kissing Clare was different though. Kissing Clare was something he had wanted to savor. Unfortunately, they had made a deal that they would kiss only once so as to get it out of their systems. Now Eli wished he had never made that deal. All he could think about was kissing Clare and trying to get her to kiss him. He had never felt that way before and it freaked him out a bit. Okay, so maybe more than just a little bit.

Clare pulled her clothes on and ran her fingers through her curls. When she decided she was presentable, she headed back out to meet Eli. He was leaning against the front door, arms crossed, and waiting.

"Come on, let's go," he said, impatiently.

"Aye, aye, Captain."

Eli rolled his eyes, fighting the smile from breaking through, "Don't get cute."

They took a cab to the studio. The receptionist greeted them, but gave Clare a very disapproving glance.

"Don't mind her," Eli said once they were behind closed doors.

"To think I could have been doing her job."

Eli smirked, "I don't know how I'd be able to get anything done with you as a receptionist. You'd make such a distraction, Clare." His voice was velvet and Clare tried to ignore the goosebumps that prickled her skin. She busied herself by glancing around the equipment of the room. There were screens and several cameras and lights. There were also some basic props and curtains. Everything about his world and his passion fascinated her.

"Sherry is coming in for her sitting in a bit," Eli explained, "I am going to use a simple white backdrop and play with the lighting a bit. Can you unroll the white curtain for me?"

Clare unrolled the heavy white linen. It was wrinkled, but Eli said that it would make for a more 'textured' photo. After she unrolled it, she gave it a light shake and suddenly Eli's attention was completely on her.

"Do that again," he instructed, his eyebrows knitted together in concentration.

"Do what?" Clare didn't quite understand what he was asking of her.

"Shake the curtain."

Clare looked at him as though he was completely off his rocker, but did as he said. Eli's eyes lit up and he grabbed a Polaroid camera from a small shelf, "Okay, hold the curtain up and flip it around yourself - yes, yes! Exactly like that!"

"Eli!"

"Hold on, hold on. Don't move. Okay move!"

"And do what?" Clare couldn't help but laugh, "Eli, I feel ridiculous."

"Just...move!"

Clare rolled her eyes but gave in. She began to spin and the curtain flowed out around her. Eli was snapping pictures like crazy. Finally, he lowered the camera and walked over to the shelf again. He laid out the photos that the camera had spit out and waited for the images to dissolve on to the photo. Clare wandered over to him, completely confused at what had just happened. Eli was scowling at the photos until he finally picked one up and held it towards the light.

"What is it?" Clare was uneasy. She wanted to desperately to be able to give Eli a good photograph.

"Look at you," he showed her the Polaroid photograph, "Do you know how God damn beautiful you are?"


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Clare stood there blushing furiously as she carefully held the glossy photograph in her hand. Eli had caught something in that photo that she didn't recognize in herself. She found it hard to believe that it was really her. It was such a simple portrait but there was so much life that seemed to spill over from within it. Eli stood behind her and stared over her shoulder. He ran his teeth along his bottom lip and sighed. He was beginning to question that promise he had made to offer her a strict platonic relationship. Then again, platonic had kind of flown right out the window when they had shared that kiss. Either way, he knew he was screwed. He had wanted to keep his relationship with Clare strictly platonic so as to not hurt her. There was no way he'd ever be the type to settle down with just one person and Clare was. She'd probably want the white picket fence and two kids in the yard and...

But God, she was beautiful. Eli sucked in a breath and trying to compose himself. She had just moved to New York. She'd have ample opportunity to have her heart broken and Eli was not about to be the one to do it. He needed to keep his distance from her so that she would not think that maybe, just maybe, he could change into someone he wasn't. Their relationship had to be one of friendship and nothing more. Eli kept telling himself that until she turned and looked at him with ice-blue sapphire eyes and said, "It is a really great picture, Eli."

It was then he forgot everything he had been thinking in his head.

"Well, the photographer can only do so much. A lot depends on the subject being photographed."

Again she blushed and Eli mentally told the butterflies metamorphosing in his stomach to fuck off. He couldn't even recall the last time he had ever had butterflies in his stomach and the fact that he did now annoyed him. A silence fell over Eli and Clare that was suddenly broken by a knock at the door. Eli jerked away from Clare and called out, "Come in."

The receptionist opened the door and said, "Sherry's here."

"Send her in," Eli instructed.

A few moments later, a bombshell blonde entered. She was wearing a simple black dress and her hair had been blown out in a way that seemed to defy gravity. Eli embraced her and kissed her on the cheek. Clare didn't know why but she suddenly felt intrusive. Maybe asking to come hadn't been such a good idea. She had no idea what to expect and already she felt like an outsider. The feeling didn't last long though; Eli grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her over.

"Sherry, this is Clare. She was curious about my work and if it is alright with you, she would like to watch our shoot. Is that okay?"

Sherry eyed Clare for a moment before a toothpaste-ad smile crossed her face, "Oh course I don't mind! Are you interested in getting into photography?"

"I don't really know what I am interested in getting into," Clare sighed wistfully, "I am actually just a friend of Eli's. I wanted to really see him in action."

Eli raised a teasing eyebrow and Clare quickly recovered, "I mean in the studio. Not..."

Sherry held up a perfectly manicured hand, "I get it, hon. And you do know that the sign of a strong bond between two people is interest in the other's passions, right?"

Clare once again felt the hot blush staining her cheeks and Eli cleared his throat, sensing her embarrassment, "What can I say," he walked over to his camera, "Clare's something special."

Clare dissolved into the dark of the room, trying to stay out of the way as Sherry positioned herself in front of the white linen. Clare nibbled on her thumbnail and felt her stomach do a somersault. She didn't know why she felt this way around Eli. She was supposed to be platonic with him. She knew what he was like and she knew that there was no way she could allow herself to fall for someone with that lifestyle. Eventually, she would want to settle down and marry and have a few kids. Eli on the other hand would be perfectly happy with random hookups well into his old age. Clare didn't know why, but there was a sense of sadness that washed over her at the thought. Their lives were so different. There was no way they could ever work out.

As she watched the shoot, Eli instructed Sherry how to stand and how to sit. She did everything he said with precision and Clare began to feel as though she had really grown invisible. Not that she really minded; she wanted to be out of the way and not interrupt anything. Eli looked so meticulous and focused and she would hate to do anything to ruin that concentration. As if on cue though, Eli turned his head from behind the camera and his eyes found hers. A grin spread across his face and suddenly, he was back to snapping pictures. Clare tried to ignore the goosebumps prickling at her skin.

Half way through the shoot, Sherry sat up and asked, "Can I take this off?" She was tugging at her dress and Eli nodded. He didn't want to put Clare in an awkward place but he had been photographing Sherry for far too long to not know that when she had an idea or suggestion not to just run with it. If Clare was uncomfortable, she could always step out. As Sherry was pulling her shirt over her head, Eli shot a glance over to Clare. She was biting at her thumbnail but made no effort to head towards the door or ask to be excused. Instead, she was staring with her head tilted to the side at Sherry.

Eli had turned back to his camera and Sherry was just about out of the dress. Clare hadn't expected the photo shoot to take this turn and she wondered if Eli had been just as unaware as she was. He hadn't warned her that it'd be one of _those _photo shoots and Clare knew deep down that if he had known, he'd have warned her. She glanced towards the door and knew she could just wait outside. Eli would be understanding. All of this was so new to her and she felt so out of place in this strange world. She could just leave and Eli and Sherry could take their pictures...

Sherry was out of the dress now. She hadn't been wearing a bra beneath her dress. Clare tried to ignore the stirring she felt as Sherry laid back down and arched her back. Clare had never been exposed to any of this before and she was fascinated by everything. Despite her trepidations, she was frozen in place. She couldn't take her eyes off of Sherry. Everything about her body mesmerized Clare - the way her back arched, the curves of her breasts, the freckle on her neck...everything. She bit her lower lip and turned to Eli. He had taken his camera off of the tripod and was kneeling on the floor in front of Sherry. He was leaning and tilting, following her every curve and movement with the camera. He focused on different parts of Sherry's body - her eyes, her lips, her breasts, her leg muscles, her most private parts. Clare was amazed with how comfortable they both were with it all and was surprised that she was actually watching all of this unfold.

Eli's instructions took on a different tone. His voice was smooth and rich and he carefully instructed her where to position her hands and where to turn. Clare couldn't help but be reminded of church of all places. She remembered kneeling on the red felt-covered kneelers and staring up at the huge stained glass window. An image of Jesus stared down at her. She remembered kneeling there and memorizing every part of that window. When she was a little girl she had thought that the prayers and incantations were for the window. Seeing Eli watching Sherry the way he was reminded her of how she would stare at that window.

It was then she realized that she actually was beginning to understand Eli's art. He could make a paper bag look beautiful probably and he chose to focus on the human body. Her whole life Clare had been told that the body was something private and dirty. Now here was Eli, glorifying it and worshiping it. Clare was still unsure about everything, but she could at least see where he was coming from with his work and she realized how beautiful that was.

There was something so stunning about the way Eli fawned over her with that camera. It was such an intimate moment but it was so beautiful and so captivating and Clare felt extremely fortunate for being able to catch a glimpse of this world. Soon though, the moment ended. Sherry was standing and dressing again and Eli was putting his camera equipment away. After she had gotten dressed, Eli explained to Sherry that he would contact her in about a week to come over and go over the photos. Again, they embraced and kissed, and she disappeared out the door. Eli was still putting away his equipment when Clare finally abandoned her post against the wall.

"Eli..."

He turned from his equipment and stared at her, "Clare...I am so sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable or anything. When Sherry gets an idea like that, I know to just go with it. I wish I could have given you more of a warning but you could have left if you wanted, you know that right? I am so sorry..."

"Eli...that was amazing."

"Wait," his brows furrowed together in confusion, "What?"

"It was so...beautiful. There is something about the way you were just capturing her that was so...sensual but so...serine and so..."

"You really liked it?"

"Yes, I really did. You are an amazing photographer, Eli. You get this passion in you when you're behind the camera and it's really amazing."

Eli could feel a bush creep across his cheeks and shrugged nonchalantly, "We'll just have to see how the pictures turn out."

Clare shook her head, "You are so amazing. Do you know that? You get behind a camera and just...come to life! It's amazing!"

The blush deepened and he said humbly, "Well, thank you."

"Of course."

After finishing up at the studio, they headed back to Eli's apartment. Once inside, he tossed his keys and his leather jacket onto the table by the door. Clare bit her lower lip and rocked up and down on her heels. She didn't really know how to act around Eli and some moments she felt awkward and out of place. She'd never been around a guy as much as she had been around Eli and that both excited her and scared her. There was something about him that was so special and she couldn't really explain it. She realized that she was finally beginning to understand the photos in his bedroom and the risque photos he'd take in the studio. She finally understood a little bit more of his world and felt a sense of peace and at the same time fear because of it.

"Well roomie," Eli smirked, "Wanna have a movie night or something?"

"Um..." Clare didn't know why but all of a sudden the words just spilled forth from her mouth, "You have that Polaroid camera here right?"

"Yeah," Eli nodded, not sure where she was going with this.

"Well I was wondering...could you maybe...could you take my picture?"

"Sure," Eli nodded, "I love those two photos of you we took. You're so beautiful. Um...why don't we get a shot in front of the window. The sunset will be coming in soon..."

"Eli..."

"Hmm?"

"I don't think you understand," Clare blushed, staring down at the floor and trying to compose her thoughts before lifting her head and saying, "I want you to take my picture."


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: This might be bordering on being rated _M_ for this chapter but I don't really like the M rating because you get so much porn in that section. There is a difference between porn and something being erotic. This is a very erotic and very descriptive chapter. It is nothing kinky or smutty at all. This is not that kind of story. I do hope you enjoy this chapter and I really hope it doesn't offend anyone. But knowing you all, I doubt it will :) **

**Also, I'd like to thank you for all these reviews. I can't believe how many reviews this story has. I owe so much to you guys. You are amazing readers and supporters. I love you guys!**

Chapter Nine

"No."

"What do you mean no?" Clare felt a wave of disappointment flood over her. He had photographed her before without a problem. Didn't he think she was good enough to be photographed? Her mind began to play thoughts over and over again like a broken record - _what is wrong with me? There must be something wrong with me if he doesn't want to photograph me.._.

"Clare," Eli sighed, dropping his hands to his sides, "Have you ever even let anyone see you in a bathing suit?"

"Of course," she jutted out her chin defensively.

"Have you ever let a guy see you in a bathing suit?" She faltered just slightly and Eli continued, "Clare, you've never been naked in front of anyone before. I am not going to let you do this. I know you more than you think. You probably want your first intimate experience to be with your husband. Not with a photographer taking pictures of you. If this is what you really want, okay; but I just don't think you want this."

"Of course I want this," Clare protested, "Eli, your pictures are beautiful. There is something magical that takes place when you get behind a camera and I just want to be a part of that. You're right, no one has ever seen me that exposed before. I used to have a two-piece bathing suit until my mother remarried and suddenly because I had a stepbrother, I had to wear a one-piece. You are right in thinking that this is all very new and very much for me, but Eli, I want this. I want an intimate experience and I want it to be special and I want...I want it to be you photographing me."

Eli ran his teeth along his bottom lip. He wanted nothing more than to photograph Clare, but he wasn't so sure. When he photographed people, he didn't think; he just stepped behind the camera and did. But with Clare, he couldn't just do that. He wanted to be gentle with her. She was special - far more special than anyone else he had ever photographed. He'd have to be different with her. He had to be gentle. He was also worried she wasn't thinking this completely through. Did she even know what to expect when he was photographing her? Most likely not. Eli sighed. She looked so pleading. Her blue eyes were swimming with longing and Eli knew he couldn't tell her no.

"Alright," he gave in, "I'll do it."

"Thank you!" A smile spread across her face, but suddenly her voice took on a more serious note, "Eli, I know you are the photographer but I am the one being photographed. These will be my pictures. I want you to ensure me that they will be private and not wind up in some gallery or in some art book, alright?"

"Don't worry. I'll give you the copies. You can do whatever you'd like with them." Normally he wouldn't have done that. His pictures belonged to him and no one else. Unless they were to offer a fair price, of course. But again, Clare was different.

"Where should we um...do this?" Clare asked, a hint of nervousness catching in her throat.

"Um...bedroom. I'll meet you in the bedroom."

Clare nodded and headed towards his room. When she was safe behind the door, she paused and lifted her thumb nail to her teeth. She had no idea what had prompted her to desire something like this; she just knew that she needed Eli to take her picture. If she was going to fully understand his world, she would have to submerge herself inside of it all and that would include giving Eli permission to photograph her. Clare kept her clothes on and waited for Eli. She had no idea where to begin but was both looking forward to and dreading his instructions. She sat down on the edge of the bed and nibbled her thumb nail.

_What am I doing? Mom would kill me if she knew what I was about to do. I don't even know Eli all that well and I am about to let him see me so...exposed. I've never been so exposed in front of anyone before. What if he doesn't like the way I look? What if I disgust him? My thighs are too flabby and my stomach...ugh! I look nothing like Sherry or the other girls he photographs. There must be a reason for that...am I making a mistake? This is it. If I go through with this, I can't take any of it back. It'll be done and I can't rewind and change any of it. Eli Goldsworthy will see me naked in a few minutes. Eli Goldsworthy will be taking pictures of me naked in a few minutes. What am I doing?_

Once she had headed to the bedroom, Eli took his Polaroid camera out of its case and made sure it was all ready to go. He didn't know why, but he felt nervous. He didn't like that Clare made him nervous. Normally he was always in control. Nothing made him falter. But now he was genuinely scared of photographing Clare. He didn't want to do anything to hurt her and he didn't want her to be uncomfortable in any way. As he looked over the camera, he thought to himself - _What are you doing? How can you photograph Clare? She has no idea what she is getting into. She is young and naieve and you are feeding into that. You're a predator, you know that right? But she was so sure about wanting this...and how could I have told her no? She looked so desperate for this. I don't know why, but it's like she needs me to do this for her. _

Eli ran a hand through his hair and made his way back towards his bedroom. He didn't like or understand the butterflies that filled and fluttered his stomach. He didn't know why he felt so out of control of the whole situation. How many times had he done this before? Too many to count...

_She isn't more than nineteen years old. You're twenty-two...she's so young and so innocent. But she wants this. She said she wanted this. That's it! That's the reason I feel so out of control in this - because I am not in control; she is. She is the one in control of all of this. What she wants goes. I am the photographer. Normally I call the shots in the photographs but this time, it'll be all her. I will let her be the one to decide how far she would like this to go._

When he walked into the bedroom, Clare's head snapped up. He smiled at her, "You wanted this, you be in charge. Tell me what you want to do and I'll do it. Tell me to stop and I'll stop. I'll direct some, but mostly this is going to be all up to you."

Clare nodded, "I want you to treat me like any other model."

Eli chuckled and rolled his eyes, "When are you going to see, Clare? You're not like any other model and you never will be. You're something special."

She blushed, "Please, Eli. You want me to call the shots? I am calling the shots. Treat me like all your other models."

Eli inhaled and finally nodded his agreement. He would do as she said to some extent but he was still going to be careful with her. He motioned for her to stand up; she did.

"Come here," Eli said and she walked over and stood in front of him, "Do you want to wear a robe or something for this shoot or..."

"Eli," Clare's eyes locked onto his and her voice was commanding, "Take my picture, please."

Eli nodded, "Alright. Take off the shirt then."

Clare paused for a moment but then did as he had said. Her cheeks turned a pale shade of pink and he could feel his own blush staining his cheeks. Eli gulped and then instructed her to remove her jeans. Clare nodded and did so. She was standing before him now in just her bra and panties. She suddenly felt very self-conscious and wondered if she had made a mistake in asking Eli to photograph her. She knew she could call it quits right then and there and just walk away from the whole thing, but something in her stopped her. She couldn't and she wouldn't. She needed to do this. She reached around and unclasped the bra and dropped it to the floor.

Eli was watching her trying not to look too preoccupied by her undressing. He couldn't help it though. She was stunning. He felt a wave of heat flush over him and he swore he could hear the blood pounding in his ears. She was blushing profusely as well. Eli took a breath and ran a hand through his hair trying to calm both his breathing and his heart rate. Clare titled her head to the side, awaiting further instruction.

"Alright," Eli cleared his throat hoping she wouldn't hear the way his nerves snagged his vocal chords, "You can lie down on the bed now."

"Eli," Clare said determinedly, "I am not undressed yet."

Eli's adam's apple bobbed and he nodded once, "Okay then."

Clare bit her lower lip and slipped out of her underwear. She stepped out of them and made her way towards the bed. She swore her heart would jump through her chest, and she said a silent prayer that Eli couldn't hear the blood pumping through her veins. She felt dizzy with nerves and excitement as she laid back against the black satin sheets. Again, Eli ran a hand through his hair as he stepped closer to her. He could feel goosebumps prickle at his flesh. She was so gorgeous - everything about her. Eli instantly wanted to memorize every inch of her - every freckle, every scar, every stretch mark, every wrinkle, every imperfection that made her all the more perfectly beautiful. He almost didn't want to lift the camera but just stare at her for a moment longer taking her in.

"Alright," he cleared his throat, "I want you to um...lift your arm up over like that. Yes, perfect and um...just sit tight, alright?" He lifted the camera and began to take the pictures. He started with her face, instructing her which way to turn and move every once in awhile. He noticed that her bright blue eyes had flecks of green and gold in them as well as the fact that her cheeks had little, almost-invisible freckles peppered across them. Her eyes fluttered shut and he watched her chest heave up and down with deep breaths. He watched her neck and how her collarbone protruded elegantly. He took another deep breath and took the camera further down her body. He focused on her breasts next and their perfectly, proudly plump shape. She blushed as he bit his lower lip and snapped the pictures. She couldn't believe that she was doing something so intimate and the fact that she was enjoying it more than she was afraid confused her.

Each time the camera spat out a Polaroid, Eli would set it off to the side of the bed to fizzle into an image. He focused the camera on her ribs and her stomach as well as her hands, telling her how to turn her hands from side to side. He focused on the veins of her hands, little blue-green tree roots spreading across her cream-colored flesh. Next, he took the camera further down her body pausing at her most intimate place. He lowered the camera and raised an eyebrow, asking her permission.

Clare gulped the fear that had formed like a tumor in her throat and nodded, "Yes."

Eli snapped a few pictures and went on to her legs focusing on her freckles and onward down towards her feet. Clare was practically shaking with nerves and the intimacy of the situation. She couldn't believe that she was doing something like this. She had never been so exposed to anyone before and here she was letting Eli see and explore her most private parts. For some reason, she felt comfortable towards the end of the photo shoot. Eli was so patient and so gentle with her, always asking her permission before instructing her how to turn and move. He looked almost as nervous as she was and she wondered how that was even possible when there were such violent and sexual photographs strung throughout his bedroom walls. How could Eli possibly self-conscious or embarrassed by an intimate situation? Just when she thought that the photo shoot was almost over, Eli cleared his throat and said -

"Okay, roll over."

Clare inhaled and did as he said. He helped position her arms and her legs and the touch of his hands against her bare skin was both frightening and lovely to her. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touches. He made sure he crossed no lines and kept everything gentle and professional even though he could sense that the tension in the room hung like a heavy fog. Eli nibbled on his lower lip again as he began to take in every inch of her from this new angle. He was crazy about the curve of her back and the small birthmark she had on her butt. Everything about her he found stunning. After another twenty minutes of pictures, Eli finally lowered the camera.

"Alright," he said, setting one of the freshly-spat-out Polaroids on the bed, "Why don't you get dressed and we will look over the pictures together. You can see which ones you like and which you'd like to keep."

Clare nodded and had to muster up quite a bit of strength to peel her still-trembling body from the bed. She got dressed like Eli had instructed as he stood of the bed and stared at the pictures.

"Goddamn, Clare."

"What?" She asked, nerves catching at her voice.

"You are so beautiful."

She quickly stood by his side and peered over at the pictures as well. He had taken some full-body shots and some of just her upper and just her lower body. He had also focused in on every body part from several different angles. Seeing the pictures made her blush again. Eli flicked one of the pictures of her lying on her stomach. It was focused on her butt and she blushed at the way she had raised it for the camera.

"Where did you get those scars?" Eli asked, his voice struggling to stay level. He had seen those scars and had wanted to question them when he first had seen them but didn't want to draw attention away from the photo shoot taking place. Clare inhaled sharply and picked up the picture. She held it gingerly between her fingers. The scars were barely visible. Eli must have been very focused on her in order to see them. She swallowed and dropped the picture back onto the bed.

"There was a reason my good-Christian mother divorced my father," Clare bristled but relaxed as she felt Eli's hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him, her eyes catching hold of his, and said, "He used to get very angry at me. He was a bit of a perfectionist and nothing I ever did was perfect. He had a habit of hitting me a lot. It wasn't until I got older that he started using the buckle of his belt."

Eli winced. He couldn't imagine anyone hurting someone so beautiful and so innocent. He couldn't imagine anyone thinking of Clare as anything less than perfect as well. He reached up and tucked an auburn curl behind her ear. As their eyes were locked on to each other's, Clare swore she thought she could see his eyes glaze and fill with tears.

"How could anyone ever hurt you?" Eli asked, shaking his head.

Clare bit her lower lip and answered, "Well look at some of these pictures. There are pictures of you and your partners doing some violent things..."

"But that's all consensual," Eli was quick to correct her, "Everything you see in these pictures is consensual. All of it. And it's not about fear or abuse or power - it's about trust. Both partners sit down and share each other's limits and trust one another to never do anything past those limits without mutual consent and respect. It all boils down to respect, Clare. What your father did to you is sick, Clare. Getting a bit kinky in the bedroom is not sick. Trusting someone with your limits and being raw and letting out all those raw desires and emotions...that's beautiful. What your dad did to you is not beautiful at all. It's wrong and it makes me want to punch him in the fucking face."

Clare smiled a small smile, "I think I get it. I mean, I doubt I'll ever fully understand it but I do understand it a bit more. When I first saw your photographs, I didn't know what to make of them. But I can understand where they come from and your passion and ideals behind them."

"Thank you," Eli nodded, "I appreciate that a lot. What did you think of being photographed?"

"It was so new to me," Clare admitted, "I was really scared but also really excited. I trusted you completely and you ended up taking some amazing pictures," she glanced down at the photos on the bed, "I really like them a lot, Eli."

"Well they are yours. Like you said, it's up to you what happens to them."

Clare bothered her lower lip between her teeth and worked up the courage to say, "No, I want you to have them. We are living together now so I guess what is mine is yours to some extent. You are the photographer, Eli and you took beautiful pictures of me. I want you to have them. I trust you to have them. Just as long as they don't go up on your bed-post-notch wall of fame."

"Are you sure?" Eli asked, and when Clare nodded he said, "Thank you. That means a lot to me, Clare. You are beautiful, darling. Absolutely stunning."

Clare blushed, "I am not."

"Of course you are. One of these days I am going to convince you of it. Look at this one," he picked one of the photos up of Clare's back, "your freckles are like constellations. Everything about you is beautiful. I want to know you, Clare. I know this sounds weird, but I want to know every freckle and every wrinkle and every scar. I want to know every inch of you and every one of your stories. You have me mesmerized Clare."

She felt the butterflies in her stomach go wild and the blush deepened on her cheeks, "Eli...you have me mesmerized as well. Everything about you - your lifestyle and your personality and the way you smirk in that completely irresistibly obnoxious way...everything about you has me mesmerized too. I want to know everything about you as well. I want to know all your stories."

Eli's adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed down the nerves, "Clare...I am not going to change my lifestyle. I'll still bring people home on the weekends for wild sex and I will never want to settle down and have a house with a white picket fence and a couple of kids in the yard. I know I am not good for you because of this. I know we want different things and if I let you get too attached to me, you'll only be hurt and disappointed by the person I am. I am not the person you are going to want to be with Clare. I will have sex with bunches of people. I will always be wild and crazy and - insane in both good ways and bad - but there is one thing I think you must know."

"What is that?" Clare asked, letting another photo fall back to the bed.

"I am a fucking selfish asshole, Clare. As much as I know being with me and getting attached to me will hurt you, I don't give a fuck. I know better than to kiss you right now but Goddamn it Clare, I don't think I can not kiss you right now. It's taking all my strength to not just grab you and kiss you until your lips bruise."

"Eli..." Clare was trembling again, "I-I know it's not smart of me to want to be with you. I know we have two different lifestyles and two different plans and I know if I get too attached to you, I'll get hurt one day but I...I don't really give a damn," Clare blushed and Eli raised an eyebrow at the curse word that had just come from her lips.

"See, I am already corrupting you," Eli smirked.

"Well then," Clare mimicked his smirk, "I suppose since the harm has already been done that it wouldn't matter if you were to defile me with a kiss."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

Clare couldn't sleep. She kept thinking back to her photo shoot with Eli and the way he had kissed her. She had never been so intimate with anyone in her whole life and it scared her how quickly she was becoming so intimate with Eli. He was virtually a stranger to her, but Clare felt as though she truly knew him. There was something that pulled her and drew her towards him. There was a connection and a curiosity that drove her to want to get to know Eli Goldsworthy more and be so intimate with him. His art was his passion and intimacy was his art. She longed to share that with him. She had never met someone with such ideals or such fire in his spirit as Eli and he fascinated her. He wasn't afraid of anything and she envied that quality in him.

As she lay awake, she couldn't help but think on what her mother would say if she saw how her daughter was behaving with a guy she had just met. She would have a field day if she only knew that Eli had seen the most intimate parts of Clare. Her stomach churned at the thought, but also was elated with butterflies as her memory took her back to that evening and lying on the bed as Eli photographed every inch of her body. The photographs were currently in the top drawer of the dresser. Clare's cheeks burned as she glanced over at the dresser, knowing the secrets kept inside. Eli now knew every inch of her.

And then there was the fact that they had kissed again. Oh that kiss...just thinking back on it sent a shiver down Clare's spine. He had pinned her to the wall, held her arms above her head by the wrists, and had smothered her in kisses that left her head light and her lips bruised - kisses that she wished would never end. Of course though, Eli had broken away after several minutes. He had blushed and told her that they should probably get something to eat. Clare had been a little unhinged by that, but realized still that Eli was trying to protect her in his own weird way. They could have done so much more than just kiss, but he had stopped it. Clare knew it was dangerous to be so deeply involved already with a person like Eli. She knew that he would bring random people back to his bedroom and make love to them. She knew that he could never be hers and hers alone. Eli wasn't the type of person that was meant to belong to someone else.

She sighed and adjusted her head on the pillow. Eli could never belong to her. But the more she thought on it, Clare wondered if she even wanted him to belong to her in the first place. Should people really belong to other people? Her brows furrowed and her head ached from the questions she wasn't prepared to answer. She glanced over to the door. There was a small stream of light seeping under the crack. Eli was still awake. She wanted to go to him but knew it was best to stay where she was. She was already in deeper than she could have ever imagined. What was it about Eli that caused all of her inhibitions to disappear? What was it about him that made everything she had ever been taught suddenly no longer make sense? She told herself to roll over and stop looking at the stream of silver light under the door. She told herself not to want to go to him and just forget and fall asleep. But she was in too deep. There was no way she could simply forget anything even if she truly wanted to.

Swinging her feet over the side of the bed, Clare mustered up her courage to go to him. He scared and delighted her. She was never sure what she was going to get when she put herself near him. Her feet padding across the floor, she made her way towards the door and twisted the knob. Her breath snagged in her lungs and she had to remind herself to breathe again. Eli was lying on the couch, his back propped up against one of the arms. He was going over some papers and some photos in an album. When he heard Clare, he turned and a smile lifted at the corners of his lips.

Clare paused, admiring him for a moment. He was truly stunning. His black hair fell often into his eyes, causing him to swoop it out with a shake of his head. His malachite eyes were a rabbit's hole she was quickly tumbling down. There were tiny nutmeg freckles peppering his nose - almost invisible unless you knew to look.

"Hey," he said, pulling her from her thoughts, "I wasn't keeping you up, was I?"

"No," Clare put her hands on the back of the couch and looked over his shoulder, "Work keeping you up?"

"I don't really sleep much," he answered, setting the items in his hands down onto the glass-top table. He swung his feet to side and motioned for her to join him, "What's up?"

"Just thinking."

Eli smirked, "Thinking can be dangerous."

Clare stared down at her hands, folded in her lap, "Eli, I can't just sleep in your bed and force you onto the couch forever. And I...I can't stay here forever either. I don't have a job...I don't have..."

"Hey," Eli's brows knitted together, "It's alright. Okay? Everything's alright. I am not planning to throw you out on the streets anytime soon, darling. And as far as the bed goes, I really am fine. Not that I wouldn't mind joining you if you were to ask - "

"Eli..."

"I know," Eli smiled gently, "I'm just kidding. How good are you with numbers and stuff?"

Clare shrugged, "I made As in my math classes in high school."

"You want a job?"

"Depends," Clare eyed him suspiciously.

"How would you like to be my bookkeeper? Numbers have never interested me and this stuff only gives me headaches. What do you think?"

"You want me to work as your bookkeeper?"

"Yeah," Eli shrugged, "Why not? You need a job, I need someone to do this job - it's a perfect fit."

"Well...I suppose I could."

"Great," Eli grinned at her, "You're a lifesaver!"

"I have a job, but that still doesn't answer my questions, Eli. I don't know what we're doing and that...that scares me."

"Would it make you feel better if I bought a futon?"

Clare wanted to protest and say more, but the way he was looking at her with that teasing glint in his eye - she gave in and stopped pushing the subject. Eli was fine with her there, and overall she was fine with being there. They enjoyed each other's presence and Clare couldn't imagine not being there. Eli was like a drug and Clare was already dangerously addicted. She smiled and Eli pulled her against him.

"Don't stress about this stuff, alright? I like you being here. You can leave whenever you want - I am not forcing you to stay - but just know that I'm never going to kick you out or ask that you leave. This is your place now too. I've never shared a home with anyone before, Clare. Normally my guests stay a night or two and then leave. But you're different. I like having you here. Look," Eli ran a hand through his hair, "If you really want, you can save up the money from your new job so you can afford to get your own place. A better place than the one you were living at before, understood?"

Clare nodded before pausing and asking, "Is it possible to hardly know someone but feel as though you know them so well?"

"I believe so," Eli tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "You scare me, Clare Edwards."

"_I_ scare you?" Clare was taken back.

"You are so different than what I am used to. I am out of my comfort zone with you. You confuse and fascinate me."

"I feel the same about you," she admitted.

"I don't want to scare you," a hint of a blush stained Eli's cheeks.

"I don't want to scare you either."

"I don't know what I am doing with you or what there is between us but there is something. Maybe one day we'll know for sure, or maybe it will keep on being an utter mystery. All I know is I like this - you, right here, with me."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Eli left the next night to go to a club. Clare sat alone on his couch, wondering why she felt as broken as she did. She had pretended it wasn't such a big deal as he pulled on his leather jacket and tight black jeans. She even helped him adjust the button on his shirt just before he headed out the door. He was excited to go, she could see it in his eyes. He looked like a little kid, bouncing around and bubbling over with excitement he couldn't contain. She felt a little bad, wondering if she had kept him from going out the past few nights. As he shut the door behind him on his way out, she tried to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Why did she care so much about what Eli was doing? It was his own life and his own time. He could do whatever he wanted. Who was she to try to interfere? She was just a stranger to him, someone whom he let stay in his home because she had no where else to go. She had no right to try to control what he did and her feeling abandoned was ridiculous and uncalled for.

Clare curled her feet underneath her on the couch and tried to think of ways to busy the time. She knew it was silly to just sit around, but she honestly didn't know what to do with herself. She was starting to wonder if this was what she really wanted. Maybe she should just go home and own up her mistake to her mother and go to college as had been the plan earlier. But something in her died at the thought. She couldn't bear to go home. She was in love with New York and crazy for the city. Tomorrow, she decided, she would go to Times Square and spend the day during tourist things. She wasn't going to sit around Eli's apartment. Besides, now that he had given her the job as being his accountant, she could save up some money to get her own place and be out of Eli's hair for good. Clare sighed and twisted an auburn curl around her finger. She knew she didn't really want that either. What she wanted was to be with Eli as his girlfriend and not just some roommate who he'd have a physical relationship with. But she knew that Eli wasn't the relationship type. He had always made that very clear from the start. He never once tried to trick her into doing anything and had always been upfront and honest about the person he was and the lifestyle he chose to lead. But Clare still felt her insides churn at the thought of Eli at a club and possibly bringing someone back to the apartment for the night. They'd go to his bedroom and have the sex Clare had seen in those photographs - animalistic and wild, striking both her embarrassment and curiosity.

She pulled herself from the couch and headed towards the bedroom. Starting with the picture closest to her, she made her way around the room studying each photograph intensely. She still felt as though Eli was a stranger to her. She wanted to drink him in and know the person he truly was. She wanted to be a part of him in some way. The photos on the wall made her cheeks flush but also caused her curiosity to grow. She wondered what each person's name was and how they had met Eli. She imagined the way he had kissed them and held them and fucked - Clare blushed intensely at the sound of the word in her head - them. She noticed one of the girls in one of the photographs. She had bright red hair and was dolled up in gorgeous makeup. Clare titled her head to the side and bothered her lower lip between her teeth. She wondered how that girl felt behind all that makeup. She had never been one to wear makeup before, but now she was curious. She wanted to know what it felt like behind makeup and if makeup made a person feel more beautiful.

She sighed and turned on her heel. She wasn't going to just sit around and wonder. She wanted to get out there and try. After pulling on her coat, Clare snatched her purse and the spare key to Eli's apartment and headed out to the street to hail a cab. She wasn't going to just sit around anymore. If Eli could be out having fun, why couldn't she?

**Author's Note: I know it's short but honestly I thought this was a good place to transition. I was stuck with this story before and was just slopping together something but now I have this idea and I kind of want to run with it. I want this to be my transition for this story. Also, I wanted to let you guys know that I haven't forgotten and that I am still writing and still working on this story. Just be patient with me, please. Thanks :) **


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

Clare stood in the bathroom at the pharmacy. She slowly pulled out the items she had purchased from the plastic bag. After tearing apart the plastic packaging and setting the items on the counter, Clare sighed. She had no idea what she was doing, but she knew she needed to do it. There was no way she was going to sit around Eli's apartment while he was out doing whatever it was he usually did. What was the point? She was young and she was in New York City and no one knew her. She could completely reinvent herself. She smiled down at the makeup products - _that is just what I am going to do. _

She started with the eyeliner, then the deep red lipstick. She copied her look after the girls in Eli's photographs. She didn't know why, but she wanted to be them. She was just the charity case taking up his bed, but the girls in the photographs were something special. After finishing up her makeup, she turned to the hairspray she had also purchased. After teasing her hair in a windblown style, she finally deemed herself ready to hit the city. She tossed the products into her purse and headed out to catch a cab. She had no idea where she was going, but she knew she had to go somewhere. _You live in New York City now, _Clare told herself as she headed out of the pharmacy, _you can do anything, be anyone! _She hailed a cab and slid into the backseat.

"Where you going?" The driver asked her.

"The club district?" Clare furrowed a nervous eyebrow. She hoped she didn't come across as too desperate. She had no idea what she was talking about but surely there was a club district, right? The cab driver nodded and they headed off. Clare stared out the window and at the fresh raindrops that were racing down the window. She pulled her jacket tighter around her and hoped that she wasn't making a huge mistake.

_It'll be okay. You'll have a fun time. Just get out there and have fun. And don't take drinks from strange men and don't go back to any apartments. Just stay in the open where people can see you. It'll be fun. Really. How can you live in New York City and not go on an adventure like this? _

The cab stopped off in front of a section of brick buildings with neon signs. Clare paid him and after working up some courage, stepped out of the cab. She couldn't believe she was really doing this. Intense anxiousness and fear took over her and for a moment, she thought of hailing another cab and going straight back to Eli's apartment. _No! Do you really want to be there when he has someone over? Nope, you are going to do this and you are going to have a good time! _Clare walked over to a line of people wrapping around one of the buildings and waited. She stared at the way some of the women were dressed - lots of tight clothes and leather. She stared down at her own outfit of choice, a red knee-length dress and black blazer. Already she felt like she belonged some place far away from here. Finally she got to the front of the line. The man in the tight jeans and tight black t-shirt raised an eyebrow at her and she hoped he'd let her through. She felt like she was trying to get a troll to let her pass over a bridge.

"Go on through," he said after a moment. Clare let out the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding and made her way inside the club. There was a DJ set up off in one corner and a huge area filled with people dancing to the loud music. Clare's ears throbbed, but she tried to ignore it and enjoy herself. She had no idea what she was doing there, but she found a table by the bar and sat down. As she observed the people dancing, she felt even more so out of place.

"Now what is a girl like you doing at a table by herself?"

Clare looked up to see a guy in a black t-shirt and black jeans standing over her. His blonde hair and blue eyes made him look like an 80s movie star hunk and she couldn't help but feel flushed by his presence. She tried to gather her thoughts as best she could.

"I'm new to this," she admitted, "I don't really know what one is supposed to do in these situations," she hoped he would just go away - or, if he stuck around that he didn't have a bottle of pills to drug her with hidden in his pocket.

"I can tell," he smirked, gesturing to the chair across from her, "Do you mind?"

"No," her voice shook just slightly, "I'd like the company."

"I'm David. What's your name?"

"Cla...Clarissa," Clare corrected. She had no idea where the fake name had come from, but something in her didn't want to share her real identity with her new-found company. David didn't seem to question it.

"I like that name," he nodded, "Do you want to dance or something?"

"Oh, I'm not much of a dancer," Clare blushed. She had no idea what she would even do with herself if she made it out to the dance floor with this guy. She wasn't sure who she trusted less, him or herself. She bothered her lower lip between her teeth as she thought over his request. The people on the dance floor did seem to be having a good time. She finally agreed.

"My purse though."

"Leave it at the bar," David said, "The barkeep will look after it. Now, are we going to dance or not?"

Clare sighed, pushed herself out of her chair, and took her purse over to the bar. David followed. After asking the barkeep to keep an eye on her purse and making sure that he put it behind the bar and out of sight, Clare followed David out on the dance floor. Everyone smelled of alcohol or sweat and Clare tried keep herself calm.

"So, what made you decide to come out to the clubs tonight?" David inquired as he began to dance. Clare struggled to find a beat and hoped that she didn't look too much like an idiot. It was then that she noticed how drunk most of the people were anyway. Surely she was dancing better than they were.

"I needed an adventure," she explained.

"An adventure from what?"

"Just...everything," Clare shrugged as she swayed to Titanium.

David accepted that answer and they continued to dance through four more songs. After awhile, David asked her if he could buy her a drink. Clare decided as long as she kept the drink in close eyesight, it wouldn't hurt anything. She had only had the wine at church and wasn't sure what it would be like to drink; but she reminded herself that this was an adventure. David led them over to the bar and ordered her an Appletini. Clare took a sip of the drink and was taken aback by the taste.

"You like it?"

"Yeah," She lied, "Thanks."

"No problem. You can't come to a club and not have at least a drink or two," he winked at her, "Finish that off and we can go back out and dance some more."

Clare nodded and nursed the martini until it was gone. She felt it right right away as her head began to feel like a balloon being filled with helium. She felt light. David led her back out to the dance floor. After having a drink, Clare felt completely different. She suddenly didn't care about her dancing or what her mother would think if she could see her in such a place. She was having fun and she wasn't going to let anything interrupt that.

"I'm glad I met you," Clare slurred as she worked on her third martini of the night. David leaned forward, took a sip of his Jack and Coke and smiled.

"Me too, Clarissa."

Clare ran her finger around the rim of her now emptied glass, "I wasn't sure about coming here tonight but I am glad I did. I don't know why I've never done anything like this sooner."

"Well now that's changed," David watched her intensely, "You can come here whenever you want. You're no longer a virgin."

Clare's cheeks flushed and he quickly recovered, saying, "You know what I mean. I didn't mean like that. Hey, if you are, I'm not here to judge."

"If I am," Clare tried to get another sip from the empty glass, "It's not of my own volition. I didn't really date prior to moving here."

"You just moved here?"

She nodded, "If the opportunity arose, I wouldn't say no."

David raised an eyebrow, "Is that so?"

"Don't get excited there, cowboy," Clare slid the empty martini glass over to him, "That doesn't mean you. I'm being hypothetical."

"Ah," David nodded, "Can't say I am not a little disappointed."

Clare suddenly stood from the table, "Dance with me some more?"

David followed her out on the dance floor. The songs that the DJ was playing now were different than before. Clare watched how the other girls were dancing and took notice. She began to dance closer and closer to David, to the point in which her body was completely touching his with each new move she made. She didn't care if anyone saw her seeing as no one knew her. She could be who she wanted and could do what she wanted. If dancing like this with a perfect stranger was what she wanted, she wasn't going to stop herself. David didn't seem to object too much either seeing as how he mimicked her very sensual moves. Clare's head felt even lighter and her vision was blurring slightly. All she could make out was the bright flashing lights and David's blue eyes watching her every move. _If he could see me now..._Clare mused, but couldn't exactly think of who 'he' was. She knew it wasn't David though.

"What the hell is going on?"

Clare's gaze snapped up to see Eli standing in front of her.

"You're the he," she smiled at him, "Meet my new friend, David!"

"You're drunk?" Eli's eyebrows shot up. He turned angrily on David, "What the hell did you do?"

"I just gave the girl a few drinks. She was a bit too stiff. She needed some loosening up."

Eli clenched his fists at his sides before turning to Clare and grabbing her shoulders, "How much did you drink?"

"Three...four...no three! Three."

"Three _what_?" Eli glared at David again.

"Martinis," David shrugged, "No harm done."

"Yeah," Clare shrugged out of Eli's grasp, "I'm having fun. Of all the clubs...you'd have to be here, huh? Well you should just go and...um...find some girl to be with. I'll be fine. I'm having a _blast_!"

"Yeah, no. You're coming with me."

"Am not," Clare stood her ground, "I'm having a great time and you're ruining it!"

Eli clenched his jaw and tried to keep his voice level as he said, "You are not staying here with a guy you don't even know. You're coming with me."

"Make me," Clare folded her arms over her chest and stuck out her tongue. David laughed, amused. Eli shot him a look, clearly not finding anything about the current situation amusing.

"Jesus Christ," Eli ran a hand through his hair, trying to calm down before the urge to slug the both of them became too much, "What the hell were you thinking? You just took off without letting me know where you were going? What if you got hurt? What if you went back to Jackass over here's apartment? What if he took advantage of you?"

"Maybe I _want_ to be taken advantage of," Clare shoved back from both Eli and David and spun in a circle, "My dress spins!"

"Yeah, no. You are _definitely_ coming home."

"Home?" David raised an eyebrow, "What are you, her father? She clearly doesn't want to go with you. Now lay off, man."

"Excuse me?" Eli raised an eyebrow, "Oh no. No, no, no. You did _not_ just tell me to lay off. I am not going to leave her here with you to do devil knows what to her. Nope. Either she comes with me, or you just got a third party on your little date."

"Get the fuck out of here," David took a step towards Eli who still firmly stood his ground.

"What? You aren't going to buy me a drink? What kind of lousy date are you anyway, David?" Eli batted his eyelashes.

"You're ruining _everything_!" Clare slugged Eli in the shoulder but failed and he could barely feel the blow, "Just go away, Eli! This is my adventure and you aren't welcome on it."

"Free country," Eli shrugged, stepping between Clare and David, "Now then, about that drink...oh but I should warn you - I don't put out on the first date," he winked suggestively and that was enough for David. He stepped back with his hands raised in surrender.

"You know what, I'm out of here. You're fucking weird, man!"

"Good riddance," Eli called after him, "I wouldn't have taken a drink from a scum like you away!" He turned back to Clare who was fuming, "Hey there, darling. How's your night?"

"Hell now that _you_ showed up!"

"Aw, don't do that," Eli followed her back towards the bar, "I was helping you. Hell, I probably saved you from that jackass. I know his type."

"You do not! Barkeep, my purse please."

The barkeep handed her her bag and Clare stormed out the door of the club with Eli close behind her, "Come on, Clare. Don't do this. You know that guy was bad news. He had scumbucket written across his forehead. Maybe you'd have seen it if you weren't so drunk."

"I'm not drunk!" Clare stomped her foot against the pavement.

"Did you just...did you just do that?" Eli raised an amused eyebrow, "Now listen up, you had three or four martinis after never having had anything to drink before except for probably wine at church - am I right?"

"No..." Clare's gaze dropped to the pavement.

"Ha, I knew it. I know you, _darling_. You might not think I do, but I do. This is no place for you."

"You don't know me, Eli!" Clare argued, "We just met each other! You know what I've let you know about me. And besides, I was having the time of my life before you came over and scared David away. He was a nice guy, Eli! Not scum at all. I was having fun with him!"

Eli snorted, "You were practically fucking him on the middle of the dance floor."

Clare suddenly reached back and slapped him. Hard. Eli took a step back and reached a hand to his stinging cheek.

"Okay, now _that _hurt," he bothered his lower lip between his teeth, "Be mad at me all you want. I saved your ass back there, darling. You would have gone back to his apartment if he had asked. And who knows what he'd have done to you."

"Maybe I wanted that, Eli. Did you ever think about that? Hmm?"

Eli closed his eyes and tried to keep his thoughts under control, "David was not what you wanted."

"You don't know what I want."

"I know he'd have taken you back to his apartment and if he didn't rape you or murder you, you might have a good time with him. Okay. I'll admit you having a good time with him is a possibility. But in the morning when you woke up and realized what you'd done, I bet you'd regret it. I do know you. I know that you deserve your first time to be special and I know you deserve it to be more than just a one night stand with a guy you met at the club. Alright? Hate me for that, but it's true. You deserve better."

Clare folded her arms over her chest, fighting against admitting to herself that Eli was right. She knew he was. A drunken one night stand wasn't her at all. She wanted it to be special and passionate and romantic. Sighing, she nodded, still not looking him in the eye.

"Let's get you home," Eli sighed, running a hand through his hair, "Alright?"

Clare nodded. He held out his arm and she went to him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and hailed a cab, "Besides," Eli smirked, planting a kiss on her temple, "Dude looked like a Ken doll anyway."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

Clare had let Eli put his arm around her, but she still hadn't spoken to him all throughout the taxi ride back to his apartment. Once inside the apartment, Eli tossed his keys on the stand by the door and said, "Look, you can't be mad at me forever, darling."

Clare walked past him, down the hallway, and towards the bedroom. Her lips were pursed. She knew he was just trying to protect her, but she couldn't help but be a bit bothered by that fact. Eli had been very upfront in telling her about his lifestyle, and in explaining to her that he would not change said lifestyle for anything. She couldn't help but feel as though it was a bit hypocritical that he could go off with whomever he pleased but when she did the same, he got upset and intervened. It also made no sense to her that he made her feel all these things only to have those feelings never lead anywhere. Clare knew better than to think she and Eli could ever be anything to each other. She couldn't be with him knowing that he'd still keep his lifestyle, and he wouldn't put her through that. It pained her to know that even though they would never be an item, Eli still felt as though he had the right to jump into her life.

Clare shut the bedroom door and locked it behind her before Eli could barge in after her. She felt an even bigger fight than the one that took place outside of the club coming on, and she didn't want to deal with that at the moment. How dare Eli intervene when he had made it adamantly clear that they would never, and could never, be anything to each other besides roommates. Clare's stomach churned as she sat down on the edge of the bed and cradled her head in her hands. She didn't understand why Eli felt like he had the right to jump into her life like that. She never asked for any of that. She never asked that he take her in like some charity case, and that he make her feel all these strange and new things, and that he completely turn her life on it's edge. She never asked for any of that at all! But she definitely got all of that and more. Clare wiped furiously at a tear that was currently trickling down her cheek. She had just been trying to do a fraction of what Eli'd do every weekend. She didn't understand how he could get upset, or how he would even think he had the right to.

Just as she had expected, there was a knock at the bedroom door. Clare sighed and wiped the tears off her cheeks before pushing herself up off the bed and making her way over to the door. She contemplated answering it, but instead just called through the door -

"What do you want?"

"Um, access to my room, preferably."

Clare sourly folded her arms across her chest. She knew she had no right to barricade herself in Eli's bedroom, but then again he had no right to be so protective over her when he made it so clear that she would never be anything to him. Did he not understand what he made her feel? How badly she wanted him? Only to be turned down and told that his lifestyle would never change. And how could she ask him to change? She was nothing more than a stranger to whom he showed a bit of kindness.

"And I'd like to have access to making my own decisions without you butting in and suddenly deciding you have a say in my life," Clare spat back her response. She could almost feel Eli stiffen on the other side of the door. There was a deep silence so intense that Clare could feel her pulse ringing in her ears. She felt dizzy and leaned against the wall to balance herself. She wished more than anything she could just make a break for it - take her things, what things she had, and get on the first plane back home. She no longer cared about admitting defeat to her mother, she just wanted to be home. She wanted out of this strange city and away from this strange person that excited, delighted, horrified, and angered her so much.

"I can break down this door if tempted," Clare could practically see his eyebrow raise up and disappear into his dark bangs. Despite the tension, she knew he was fighting against a smirk on the other side of the door. She let out a breath and tried to think up a response. She wished he would just go away so she could leave without any confrontation. Clare had always hated confrontation, but she especially hated confrontation with Eli. Everything was so intensified and the tension was terrifying. She longed to just melt into the floorboards and disappear.

"What gave you the right to think you could butt into my life?" Clare's face flared red as her anger boiled over, "You bring me into this life of yours and expose me to these things and make me feel these things for you that are so terrifying to me. You force that on me. Then you tell me quite frankly that it'd never work out because of your lifestyle. You're not a one-person type of person. You want to be with practically anyone and everyone. Which we both know wouldn't be fair to either one of us if we were to get together. So we shouldn't. We can't. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me any less to be so...drawn to you and to know nothing can come of it. You have no right, Eli, no right at all to think you can have a say in my life. You have no control in the decisions I make. I left home to become my own person. You aren't going to take that from me."

Clare paused, and heard Eli inhale on the other side of the door. She could practically hear the cogs turning in his head before he finally said, "I know. I am drawn to you too, Clare. It's terrifying to me too because I've never felt so strongly for another person before. I have been with many people, Clare, because I see beauty in everyone. My relationships are purely sexual and always have been. I've never cared so deeply about someone as I do you, and that scares me because it's making me question everything I thought I knew. I...I sometimes wonder, since meeting you, about putting all of this to bay and just being with you and you alone. I sleep with people because I see beauty in them. And I see the devil in them And beauty and the devil are both powerful things, darling. Things that can be both dominant and submissive. That's why this sexual lifestyle fascinated me so much. But then you come into my life and you're so...pure. And you fascinate me too. I've never met someone so pure and so beautiful, Clare. And I don't know what to do with that."

He paused before continuing, "There's an art behind what goes on in the bedroom behind a closed door, between two people. A beautiful art that fascinates me and I want to be a part of that art as much as I can. But then there's you, and I want to badly to be with you. And I want to be with you in many ways. And it shames me to admit that I want to be with you in that bed, to make love to you. I feel like I have those thoughts of you without your permission and everything must be done with permission. I feel like I think these things about you against your will and I am sicked and scared by that. I think how badly I want to make love to you. But I also think how badly I want to be yours and I've never seen people as belonging to other people before. People aren't supposed to belong to other people, Clare. But I want so badly to belong to you, and to have you belong to me. Do you see how confused and conflicted I am? I have all these thoughts and emotions surrounding you and I don't know what to do with them. You make a mess of my mind, and my heart, darling."

Clare felt the goosebumps prickle her skin and she had to balance herself against the wall as she heard Eli's words. She couldn't believe what she was hearing and she felt the butterflies take over her stomach. She felt dizzy and for a moment, she forgot how to make her lungs breathe.

"Can you please just open the door?" Eli's voice was heavy as he added, "I'm going crazy not being able to look into your eyes."

Clare worked up every ounce of courage she could before opening the door. They stood there staring at each other, neither of them moving except for the heaving of their chests as the heavily ordered breath into their lungs.

"Darling, those eyes are a drug," Eli finally reached forward and cupped her face in his hand. Clare the biting goosebumps take over every inch of her, "What are we going to do with each other, hmm?"

It took her a moment to remember how to speak before Clare finally said, "I...I don't know."

"Well, I think there's only one thing we can do," Eli brushed a strand of hair out of Clare's mascara-streaked eyes.

"What is that?" She asked nervously, terrified of his answer.

Eli bent forward and gently pressed his lips to her forehead before saying, "Give in, and fall in love."


End file.
